I try to keep things PG or G-rated here, because… well, this isn’t the place for it.
I mean, even if we were friends I wouldn’t really go into too much detail of my sex life.
I’d talk about it, sure. Drop some bombshells. But get into the nitty-gritty?
Nope. Not gonna do it. Wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture.
Suffice it to say my sex life is pretty good.
But I was starting to wonder if this… thing… with Mr. M. was just about sex.
I mean it would explain why there’s been no meeting of the family or friends, right?
On Monday after work, Mr. M. stopped by my place. We’d been ‘sexting’ for most of the afternoon.
It got pretty hot and steamy.
It’s not the first time he’s come over after work (he works near my place) for a little ‘afternoon delight’.
This time I dressed for him, as instructed. The Librarian, complete with tight pencil skirt, heels, button down shirt and hair in a bun.
It was actually the first time I’d ever been somewhat dressed up when seeing him. Usually when we hang out it’s much more casual, but ever since he came over in his dress clothes and took my breath away… I’d hoped to do the same.
I’m not a skinny girl by any means, but I’m well-built. Good assets and he was very happy with the assets, and with the outfit.
I believe his words were, ‘wow… look at you! You look… amazing.’
Yes, it did me good to hear those words.
So then we headed into the bedroom to continue our little fantasy… and each time we do (not the first we’ve sexted this way), I am always shy at the beginning.
I wish I knew why, but I just… get too shy. Even he commented that once I get into it the shyness goes out the window, but at the beginning of any role-playing or fantasy we do…
So this time he took control and ordered me to ‘kneel down’. And, well, that broke the ice for me. Let’s leave it at that.
I knew he had to leave my place early to meet his roommate to drive him somewhere, so we were kind of on a time crunch. Mr. M. left my place a little late, but not too bad.
And then the worst thing happened – I got into my own head.
I started to think that maybe it was all about sex. That’s why I haven’t met anyone else but his roommate… maybe he just wants a FWB (friend with benefits).
And so I got into my head. And that was bad.
Bad, bad, bad.
I start to doubt him, doubt myself.
I know it’s wrong but I can’t seem to stop myself. And it’s the stupidest thing in the world.
The previous week we talked a little more about things, and he mentioned that he didn’t even bother to load the app for the dating site where we met on his new phone.
In his words, “I’m not a player’.
And at that time I told him that I had made my profile invisible on the site. And I also removed the app from my phone.
So he’s told me in a roundabout way, that he’s not looking for anyone else.
But still I wonder. And doubt.
But… then Wednesday happened.
On Wednesday, just two days ago, I got a text from Mr. M. that said “I remembered my legs”.
Now that means nothing to you but to me it meant that he went to the gym and remembered to do legs – a small joke we have since he usually only does his arms and chest when he goes.
We texted back and forth a bit and then I mentioned that I was alone and that I had lots of food if he wanted to come by for dinner, even though I had already eaten.
So he did. He showed up around 7:30. I fed him, and we talked.
We talked right up until he left at 10:00 to head home.
And that’s when it finally hit me. This is more than just FWB. It’s more than just sex to him.
Even though we usually see each other once a week to do a non-sexy activity (movie, softball, hanging out), for whatever reason it took THIS WEEK for me to finally realize.
That this is more than just friends with benefits. That we can hang out for a couple of hours and enjoy each other’s company.
And so with this weekend looming, and me once again thinking he will be going away without me, I will be smart. I know that it’s OKAY. That just because he doesn’t invite me along – it doesn’t mean anything but he wants to go and enjoy some time with his friend and/or family. And that it’s OKAY if I haven’t met any of them yet.
Sooner or later it will happen. I just have to be patient.
Patience is a virtue… but I never claimed to be virtuous.