What’s The Catch?

I’m seeing Mr. J2 again tonight.

It’s his last free night without the kids. He is coming over to my house for dinner after work.

He’s still saying sweet things to me that make me smile. I am such a teenager.

In texting last night he asked if he snored or made any noises while sleeping.

I told him that no, other than a couple of squeaks, (he has sinus issues, I could tell when we were kissing), he was pretty quiet.

I asked if I made any noise.

He responded: “I didn’t notice but I was too busy enjoying the view”.

He always sends me a text first thing in the morning. And always a good night text at the end of the day.

Let’s recap, shall we?

He’s cute – I obviously find him attractive or I wouldn’t have even met him. (Remember – Paul Rudd + Edward Burns = Mr. J2.)

He’s fit. He’s just shy of 6 feet tall, thin/athletic build. I won’t say that I think his hips are narrower than mine are… but it’s close.

He’s not overly hairy. He has no hair on his back and has hair on his chest. Not hairball-inducing amounts, but just enough to play with. (His arms and legs are hairy though… think Robin Williams’ hairy arms.)

He’s funny. We laugh so much when we are together. No matter the story, we each find a way to laugh together about it.

He’s optimistic and doesn’t focus on the negative. One of the things we like about each other is that we both usually find the good/positive side of things. (Yes, it’s cold and dark now in the mornings, but at least there is no snow in the ground!)

He is actively involved with his kids. (Yes, this could be a negative but I choose to see this as a positive. He talks about them a lot, but always in context with whatever topic we are currently discussing. It’s not incessant chatter, but valid or funny points.)

He’s sweet. As you have read snippets of our conversations, you have read his very simple and sweet compliments.

He’s tidy. His house was not immaculate; it had the trappings of a family that includes teenagers. Working delayed shift work means not much time for housecleaning but I found no fault with his place. Sure there were piles of books and kid stuff everywhere, but it was definitely cleaner than my place.

He cooks. He has to since he has his kids one week at a time.

He’s considerate. He offered for me to spend the night if I chose to, he even went so far as to ask what side of the bed I preferred to sleep on. I think if I had chosen ‘his’ side, he would have said that was fine with him. Also, I’ve noticed that when he has to be away from his phone for any length of time, he tells me.

He prefers the simpler things. So far our dates have been 1) dinner, 2) ice-skating and drinks, 3) dinner at his place and 4) dinner at my place (tonight). Very casual.

So after reading this list – and I’m sure I could add more to it – I have to ask myself (in my best Carrie Bradshaw voice)… what’s the catch? What’s his fault? Where is his downside? His bad habits?

Okay, so being in a very long marriage has left him with a very limited sexual catalogue.

I can work with that.

I know we’ve only been out three times, and have sent numerous emails and texts but really… where is the catch here?

Cause right now – I ain’t seeing it.



Tonight’s The Night

Tonight is my date with Mr. J2. Our third date.

Yes, I am nervous.

We talked a little last night via text, and he already invited me to stay the night if I choose; he leaves for work at 5:30 am so it would give me plenty of time to drive home and get myself ready for work.

When I didn’t hear from him for about half an hour last night, he texted to apologize and to tell me that his brother phoned, and he was busy talking to him.

Then he said he was going to call his other brother. He sent me a final goodnight text around 10:30 pm.

He texts me first thing in the morning every morning to say good morning and to give me a weather head’s up (another joke between us).

He texts me just before going to bed every night.

And he uses my name too. He will write, “Good night Anonymous, sleep well.”

He emails me during his split shift and asks how my day is going.

He texts me during his break during his second shift.

He texts me when he gets home and asks what I had for dinner. (The weeks he doesn’t have his kids; when he has his kids with him I usually only hear from him later in the evening when he is getting them ready for the night.)

Correct me if I am wrong, but this does not sound like a guy who just wants to get laid.

A guy who just wants sex is not going to tell a woman that she is welcome to spend the night.

A guy who just wants sex is not going to take the time each day to ask her how her day went. Or ask what she ate for dinner.

A guy who just wants sex is not going to ask a woman how she feels about male body hair. (I’ve seen his arms, I know they are very hairy. He sent me a full body pic (not naked) and it’s definitely not a problem for me. Just the right amount of hair vs. skin. And he did confirm that he does landscaping as well so that’s all I need to know.)

He is not a guy who just wants sex.

At least, I don’t think he just wants sex from me.

We’ll know more tonight.

I’ve planned my outfit. A tight tank top (over spectacular lingerie), a button down chambray shirt (undoing buttons adds to seduction I am thinking), with a belt at the waist to show my figure, over skinny camel pants to show off my curves. (And give him easy access to said lingerie – easier access than jeans.)

Simple. Casual.

Sexy, in a I’m-not-tying kind of way.

Wish me luck. Full deets coming tomorrow. Stay tuned.



Let’s Get It On

So date #3 is set with Mr. J2.

He’s cooking me dinner on Wednesday night.

And we’ll be doing some cooking together later that evening.

While it has not been said in so many words, it’s been discussed. We are going to have sex that night.

And for the first time in a long time, the thought of having sex with someone new intimidates me and makes me nervous.

Let me rephrase that: the thought of having sex with HIM intimidates me and makes me nervous.

Since I started dating again in July, I’ve had sex with five different men. (Mr. M, Mr. R, Mr. J, Mr. D, Mr, K. Three men I dated during that time did not make it to so much as first base, let alone all the way to home plate. I’m not desperate, just picky.)

Some I only slept with once, some more than once. Only Mr. J2 has made it to three times; even Mr. D, (for whom I canceled a first date with Mr. J2) has only been in my bed twice. (He will never be in it again.)

And at no time was I nervous or intimidated by any of those men. I looked forward to it with anticipation, I dressed in my best lingerie for the occasions (although sometimes it didn’t matter; my best pieces went unnoticed in some cases), I did the proper grooming, wore the best outfits.

I was confident. Brazen, even.

But Mr. J2 and I haven’t even kissed yet. On Saturday night we hugged goodbye, and that was it.

So how do we go from a hug goodbye to discussing sex? Then, to actually having sex?

He’s not overly complimentary – he doesn’t call me sexy. Or hot.

He’s more subtle.  Our talk on Sunday afternoon was a little racy, and towards the end he told me that he wanted to watch his son’s hockey game and ‘cool down a little’.

I told him, “I take that as a compliment.”

And he replied, “you should.”

So yes, the flirting is there. As is the zingy one-liners back and forth. He thinks I’m funny.

And dammit, I AM funny.

I am smart and witty and funny and sexy and generous and caring.

I like sex. I appreciate good sex. I am an enthusiastic and willing partner – with the right partner.

And he really might be the right partner… and that’s what scares me. It’s easy to flirt and have sex with someone new if you like them….

But for me, it’s different to flirt and have sex with someone I really like…. I feel more nervous, more pressure.

Because the stakes are higher. There is the possibility of my being hurt if I get too attached too quickly.

So I will go to dinner at his place tomorrow night. And I will wear my best lingerie. And I will do all the proper grooming. And I will dress to impress.

And I will have mind-blowing sex.

And it will NOT be awkward. It will be amazing.

And I will take it day by day. Mr. J2 is only kid-free for this week; starting Saturday he has his kids with him for the following week, so we won’t see each other.

So right now, I will take what I can get.

And trust me… I am gonna take.

As much as I can.

I Couldn’t Make This Shit Up if I Tried

Last night was date #2 with Mr. RJ.

For those of you playing along at home, he is the one that I went out with a week ago and wasn’t sure if I felt any sparks. But he was consistently keeping in touch with messages and so I felt he deserved a second date. He wasn’t pushy with the sex comments, asking for nude photos or making me feel awkward. So I felt I owed it to him to try another date to see if it’s worth taking it further.

We agree to meet at the same pub we met at the week before. I arrived twenty minutes early, as traffic during rush hour can be dicey, and I wanted to give myself lots of time.

I am seated by the window. Not two minutes later, I look outside and who do I see but Mr. J walking by. We make eye contact. He comes inside, and everyone knows his name. He comes to see me, we hug, we talk for a bit. He is heading out later himself but stopped in for a glass of wine.

Now Mr. J and I went out about six or seven weeks ago for the first time. I knew when I met him that we would not be good as a couple. I personally think he has a slight drinking problem, and if I am in a relationship with someone, I want my man to come home to me after work, not to stop at the bar for a drink first. But he is a nice guy, and I have come to enjoy his friendship, and his insights into the world of dating.

As we are talking his phone rings, he steps away to take it. He seats himself at the bar with his wine, and I start reading. Then just before he leaves Mr. RJ arrives, just on time.

My date begins with Mr. RJ just as Mr. J is leaving, with a wave and a nod and he is gone. I explain to Mr. RJ who I had waved to, and we begin our date.

And it goes fine. Really it does. He’s a nice guy. I enjoy listening to his stories about work and travel.

But there is no zing. Nothing that makes me think, “I want to feel him on top of me, naked”.

We order dinner. We both have the fish and chips and while this place is well known for it… I am slightly disappointed in it. It was okay, but the fish in Ireland was ten times better.

But I digress…

Our meal is cleared and we continue chatting. About travel. Kids and cellphones. Work.

The usual stuff.

Then my eyes move over his left shoulder and I see a family of four at a table enjoying dinner. Two kids. Two men. Obviously father, two kids, grandfather.

The Father is in my direct line of sight.

I squint.

And I realize that it’s Mr. J2.


How does that quote go? Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, [he] walks into mine.

I don’t know if he noticed me.

But I noticed him. And I could not stop staring.

I half listened to my date talk about kids and travel.

But I could not stop looking at Mr. J2.

I was distracted. I admit it. At first, it was trying to figure out if in fact it was him.

Then after I realized that it was… I couldn’t stop looking. Like a trainwreck.

OMG, did he notice me?

So I tried to scoot over to the left of my seat to be blocked by my date. To hide.

But then I couldn’t see Mr. J2, so I moved back.

I continued to half listen to my date. I focused on what he was saying. I participated in the conversation as best I could…

But by this point I realized that if I was distracted by someone else, there was definitely no chance that my date and I would have a third date.

I tried to buckle down and focus. We started talking about Star Wars. He’s started watching the movies with his kids in anticipation of the new movie. I told him that in my world the series begins and ends with Episode 4, 5, 6.

1, 2, and 3 never happened.

As we are talking about the movies, I notice Mr. J2 and his family leave the pub.


But the damage is done.

It’s almost eight. Time to go home. Mr. RJ calls the waiter for the bill.

‘Separate checks’ he tells him.

Okay. So that’s how this is going.

We pay our bills. We put on our coats.

We walk outside. I ask where his car is – he tells me “it’s over here’. I point across the lot and say, “well I’m over there”.

He says, ‘okay, well take care”, and gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks, you too,” I say as I walk to my car.

Now, guys… no matter what, even if there is no connection or anything…. always walk a girl to her car. You might get another hug – or even a kiss- at the door.

I got into my car and said, ‘nope. Not happening.”

I drove home. All I could think about was seeing Mr. J2 there with his family.

I mean seriously, what are the odds? That on a random Tuesday night, he would be at the same place as me?

At home, I debated texting Mr. J2.

Since we met last Thursday for dinner, we’ve sent random emails through the day, and usually at night, just before bed, we exchange a text or two.

But I had to know if he saw me.

And if he did… I had to let him know that my date was over.

So I texted him: Goodnight! I look forward to receiving tomorrow’s wake up weather forecast. 🙂

(This is because early that morning, Mr J2 had texted me to tell me about the snow on the ground.)

He responded, and we texted back and forth a bit and then I had to do it, so I wrote: “How was dinner? :)”

A few minutes later he responded, “Dinner was good :)”

Okay. Now… does he know that I saw him/did he see me?

We back and forth for a bit and finally I tell him that I was distracted for most of the night because I couldn’t stop looking at someone sitting in the back of the pub.

And then I find out that yes, he saw me there as well, but tells me he recognized me only as he was leaving.

Hmmmm…. good thing or bad thing? I wonder.

And then it comes in: do you want to go out again?

And so I reply: With you? Very much so.

Just to clarify he is not asking if I want to go out with anyone else I add: with tonight’s date? No.

(Sorry Mr. RJ)

He asks if I am available Saturday night – but says he understands if I already have plans.

I do not have plans. Well, I do… but I am changing them.

So we agree to do something on Saturday night, just not sure what yet. Still plenty of time to decide that.

And in the midst of all these texts from Mr. J2, one comes in from Mr. RJ.

“Hi. I had a good time tonight, but I get the feeling you are still hesitant?”

Very perceptive Mr RJ.

So today I will send Mr. RJ an email saying that I enjoyed meeting him, and I do enjoy his company and talking with him and listening to his stories, but that I just don’t feel that spark, that connection between us.

What else can I do? It’s obvious my mind was on someone else while I was on a date with him.

In the course of two hours, I run into / see three men I’ve dated or slept with in the last two weeks.

I know they say it’s a small world, but this is ridiculous!

I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried…