So Many Men… So Little Time (literally in this case)

What a whirlwind week this has been.

I’ve had three dates in three days – definitely not something I am used to.

Try to keep up now, here we go.

Tuesday evening I met Mr. RJ. Nice guy. We met, had a drink, talked for a couple of hours about everything and anything. He works in the government doing Lean work – and I think he was shocked when I told him I knew all about Lean initiatives. (If you don’t know it’s a fancy word for streamlining your business processes to save time and money.)

He was pleasant to look at. Tall, well-built. We talked about travel, his kids (he didn’t over do it on the kid talk so that was good) and the usual other topics people discuss on a first date.

He paid for the drinks, and we left. A hug goodbye at the car and we were off.

He sent a ‘I had a great time” text to me before I had even returned home.

There was nothing wrong with him; honestly, I am sure he is a great catch. I just don’t know if there was a spark… and maybe that is my issue. How do you know if there is a spark or not? Other than The Nail Biter, I really haven’t had any real feelings of unease or disinterest towards any man I’ve been out with. They have – knock on wood – all been pleasant and good company.

He’s already sent me an email asking to see me next week, and I am not sure if I want to or not.

On Wednesday, it was date two with Mr. K. Former military man, retired, now online travel consultant.

I met him at his house since he lives a five-minute walk from me. Definitely convenient.

After some tries to get Netflix to work on his television we ended up watching a movie on demand. It was an okay movie, nothing spectacular. We had a few drinks.

Since this was the second date, there were some expectations… at least on my part. We had texted and flirted about ‘cooking together’ so I went to his house expecting to have sex.

It started off by kissing… as it usually does. And he is nothing if not an… interesting kisser.

He’s a sucker. And my that I mean he loved to suck my tongue as we kissed. It was weird. Definitely something new for me.

And after about two hours of making out on the couch – with a water break – it was 1:45 am and it was a school night. I sat up and said, ‘okay, so we either have to pick up the pace and move things along or I need to go home to sleep.”

Mr. K kindly said he didn’t want to pressure me into anything, but definitely wanted to move things along.

We stood up and started to make out again… oh yes, I could definitely feel his interest.

We moved up to the bedroom. He had candles (battery-powered) and music already playing. Nice touch.

We got into bed and made out some more. And then… well he put all that sucking to good use.

Twice.

The sex itself was pretty good. He had no issues wearing a condom, and the act itself was pretty quick. Maybe I’m greedy but after I’ve had an oral orgasm or two, I don’t want intercourse to go on for hours. Fifteen minutes and maybe a couple of position changes and I’m a happy camper. He definitely enjoyed this part of the evening, and made sure I knew it. He had no issues letting me know just how much. Loudly.

At this point it’s 3:00 AM and I have to be up in just over three hours. So we cuddle for a bit, then get dressed and even though I live within walking distance, he drove me home.

I managed to get some sleep and felt pretty good the next day. The sex was good, it was a little gentle, a little rough… if I could just tone down the sucking on my tongue thing he does, I think could be really good. And you can’t beat the commute.

I was exhausted by noon on Thursday so I took a couple of hours off work to go home and nap. I had another date Thursday evening and I didn’t want to be dragging my ass the whole time because I really like the guy I was meeting – at least, on paper/email.

(I don’t normally take time off work to recuperate from late sex nights, I had some time owing and it seemed as good a time as any to take it.)

I napped on and off for a couple of hours, then got ready for my date with Mr. J2.

Mr. J2 first messaged me on Halloween. We chatted back and forth for a bit, and I was smitten as soon as I saw his photo. If Paul Rudd and Edward Burns ever pooled their genes, the result would be Mr. J2. Tall-ish, dark hair… forehead and eyes are Paul Rudd, nose and mouth and chin is Edward Burns. Yum.

We had made plans to meet earlier this month but I cancelled on him when I started to get serious with Mr. D. And, to be honest, I was feeling really down at the time. My depression was starting to show, and so I didn’t feel worthy of meeting anyone new. After I ended things with Mr. D I emailed Mr. J2 and asked if he was still interested. He accepted, and I’m glad he did.

We were to meet for drinks but as I knew he was only finishing work at 6 and had to change and drive to where we were meeting, I suggested we have dinner as opposed to just drinks. He seemed happy with that change. Good.

I arrived early, and thankfully the restaurant was quiet. It was unusual for this particular restaurant – usually it’s always busy, but at this time it was a bonus as we didn’t have to scream to be heard.

I was shown to my table and the guy asked how I was doing and if the table was good. I replied, “well I’m meeting someone for a first date so hopefully it goes well.” (I’m chatty, what can I say?)

He replied, “well if it doesn’t work out, give me a call.”

Seriously? Thursdays are a great night for me to be hit on while waiting for a date. No shit.

So I replied, “thanks, I might just do that. Although you do have my number since I made the reservation.”

He smiled and said, ‘deal’, then headed off to continue working.

So I waited a few more minutes until Mr. J2 showed up. I waved at him from my table and he joined me.

He looked exactly like his photos, thank goodness.

He sat. We started talking. He ordered a beer, I ordered a Sommersby.

And we kept talking.

We took a break to order dinner.

And we kept talking.

The only time we were silent was when the food came. I had been praising the lasagna, but he had General Tao’s chicken. I had the lasagna – I ALWAYS get the lasagna at this place.

He tried mine, I tasted his… both were excellent.

And we kept on talking.

He’s very animated. He smiles a lot. He said I look better in person than I do in my photos.

Flattery will get you everywhere, my friend.

We talked about marriages, dating, relationships.. and his kids.

He is very much a hands-on father, and his kids are 12 and 14. He basically said that they are his hobby because of his schedule he doesn’t get to see them much during the week – when he has them he gets home from work around 7-ish so he sees them a couple of hours before they go to bed. He’s into hockey and skating.

He seems completely normal and drama free.

From what I can tell… he is the quintessential ‘nice guy’.

We could have kept on chatting but he made a point to say that he had to be home by 11 for bed – he works driving transport (hence the long shifts) and has to be ready to go at 6am, so he’s usually up by 5:15 am.

When the check came, I reached for it. He was genuinely shocked but my reasoning was this, “who says the guy always has to pay? I am happy you agreed to meet me after I cancelled on you the first time, and I suggested dinner instead of just drinks. I am happy to pick up a check once in a while.”

So I paid the check, we drank some water and chatted some more, then we finally (regretfully?) had to head out.

He had parked right next to me, so we stood by the cars talking for a little longer. He said he had a great time and once again thanked me for paying for dinner. I once again thanked him for coming out with me.

We hugged. While no second date was officially set up, when we were inside talking about skating, he said he would be happy to skate with me someday. I had asked him not to laugh at me, and he said that no, he wouldn’t laugh, he would help me up (if I fell).

All together now…. awwwwwwwww….

We got in our vehicles and drove away. As I was just getting into bed a text came in. The “I had a really great time tonight, and I enjoyed talking with you” from Mr. J2.

So what’s a girl to do? This whole experience is completely new to me. There are two other men showing interest – we’ve moved to email vs. dating site chats.

How does one narrow down the options? And should I?

Mr. J: We hang out and talk and have great sex. We met about six weeks ago, but I am not sure that I can see myself in a real relationship with him. I think he drinks just a little too much and likes to go out a little too much. Likes to travel. No kids, doesn’t want any. Close to his family. We talk a lot about dating and relationships and have shared some pretty deep stuff.

Mr. K: Definitely potential there. Proximity is great. Sex is pretty great. Kids. 7 and 10 so still a little young. Also likes to travel. Was honest and up front about dating a bunch of people and not being monogamous until dating turns into something more.

Mr. RJ: This one I’m waffling on. There was nothing absolutely wrong with him. He was nice. Respectful. Funny. Complimentary. Loves to travel. Has two kids, they are tween/teens. Talked about wants in a relationship.  Told me I am the sweetest girl he’s ever met. (Apparently he doesn’t know me very well) There were no signs saying STOP! but there were also not any real signs saying GO! either. I’m on the fence as to whether or not go for a second date.

Mr. J2: Nice guy. Blue collar – not that it’s an issue for me. Cute. Smiley. Laughs a lot – at least when I tell stories he laughs. Had no issues with any conversation.  Two kids, very involved in hockey and skating and really enjoys his kids. But also enjoys going out and being social when he doesn’t have his kids. Was with his wife for 21 years. He did let me know that he had his ‘rebound’ right after his marriage ended. And he is dating and social and enjoys that aspect of it. Would definitely like to see him again. We did hit on porn and threesomes and sex… but it was all in good context and not over the top.

Then from another site there is another freaking Mr. J – we have moved to text and email but he’s a one-email a day kind of thing, not really a good way to keep the conversation flowing. But also not a bad guy, at least by email. Has two girls, twins, 7 years old.

Then from another site there is Mr. R. We’ve emailed long messages back and forth for a few days now. I’ve just given him my email address so we’ll see how that goes, but so far, it seems to be going well. He’s asked to meet next weekend (I am assuming no kids next weekend) but I am not really available since I will again be out-of-town on Saturday. Not sure yet about Sunday plans.

I haven’t been on the dating sites for a few days and to be honest, I can’t handle any more than this. For the first time in my life I am dating a lot and having a lot of sex. I’m picky – I don’t say yes to every man and not everyone gets a second date (sorry Nail Biter), but even I am starting to realize that this might be more than I can handle.

How do people do it? How do they date multiple people (provided everyone knows so no one gets hurt) and keep it all together?

For the first time I am going to ask: how many is too many? And should Mr. RJ get a second date or should I just quit while I am ahead?

Oy. Thank goodness I am away this weekend on a girl’s trip. Maybe I can clear my head and see where my heart and mind goes this weekend… who I think about and, sadly, who I don’t.

 

The Nail Biter

So the night after my date with Mr. A, I met Mr. C.

We decided to go bowling, although to be honest, my heart really wasn’t into it.

There were a few moments during our conversations that made me uncomfortable. He asked me so many questions during one email exchange that I felt like I was answering a job application.

And he was trying to flirt. And he was bad at it.

You know, I am all for the flirty banter and the sexy talk, but usually after there’s been a first meet. He just jumped right in and made a comment about showing up naked to the date.

Um… no. Just…. No. No. No. Nay-nay.

We talked a little about being nervous to meet, but I told him that we are just two friends meeting to bowl, to have a drink, and to have some laughs. No more, no less.

Then he asked about kissing.

I mean, seriously?

I told him that he would know if the time was right for a kiss. That I would be flirting with him. He would know if I was flirting with him.

I left in plenty of time. It was a good thing, too – the parking lot was packed. It was the Friday night before Halloween and I guess everyone else had the same idea, to hit the lanes for some fun with balls.

*snicker*

I arrived and looked around for Mr. C but didn’t see him. Then, I spotted him coming down the stairs from the upper level.

No spark. But that’s just a first sight.

Then I called his name, he turned around and smiled.

And still no spark. Not that he was ugly, he looked exactly like his photos.

But it seemed he had… no personality.

He greeted me, shook my hand, and that’s when I saw it.

Oh HELL no.

The man bites his nails.

Down to the stubs. Dry, scaly skin on his fingers… nubby ragged nails…

Nope. Nope. Nopity-nope nope. Nay-nay.

Looking at chewed fingers makes me nauseous. I see people with them at work and I am loath to use the same pen they do. They put their hands in their mouths on purpose!!!!

These fingers were nasty. And then I imagined him putting his hands on me….

Putting  those fingers inside me….

NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!

But to be polite, we sat at the bar. I paid for the drinks.

We chatted. Well… we tried to. I found the conversation a little lacking. What did I expect? All our email conversations were about my answering all his questions.

They called our lane so we went off to bowl. I sucked. But I did better in the second game. But since he bowls three nights a week… he beat me all three games.

After our game was over we went and sat downstairs to chat some more. We sat on a couch and chatted for a bit, then I excused myself to go to the washroom.

While I was in there, my phone lit up with a text message. It read, “I don’t know if you are flirting or not. :(”

Seriously. The guy sends me a text while I am in the washroom.

I ignored it. I returned to my seat and we chatted some more. Finally he said, ‘so, what do you think?”

This was it. For the first time, I was about to tell someone I wasn’t interested in moving forward. What to say? How do I do it?

“I don’t know about you,” I began, “but I’m just not feeling it. You are a really nice guy, I enjoy talking to you but …. I just don’t think we’ll be more than friends.”

Now thankfully this was not as bad as when Lisa Simpson crushed Ralph Wiggum’s heart at the Krusty The Clown show, but I still felt awful.

(Oh bite me. It works in this situation.)

I told him I wasn’t sure I was even ready to date. That maybe it’s me. Maybe I am just not ready to put myself out there fully. (You might think this was all bullshit but I was actually being a little honest here.) That he was a great guy, and maybe I just wasn’t ready to move forward yet.

He seemed to accept that; we continued to talk about dating and online experiences for almost another hour. Finally it was late, and I was exhausted.

We walked out side and he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I had parked around the back of the building, way in the boonies, but he was right out front. He turned after the hug and headed to his car.

Bastard. Always walk a girl to her car, even if she has just rejected you!

I walked all around the building to the very back of the lot to retrieve my car. I drove home.

I haven’t heard from him since.

Was I too harsh? Should I have given him a chance?

We all have our deal breakers. Some people have a list. I never knew that this would be one for me – even though it’s a habit I find disgusting, I have never met anyone who bites their nails to this point.

So that was it for me. I still see him online, and I see he changed his profile a little, but now it just sounds harsh.

I hope that’s not because of me.

Since Mr. C, I didn’t meet anyone new. I saw Mr. D a few times, and I had two booty calls with Mr. J. I was the instigator, I was feeling a little down and I knew he would help my ego, and he did.

This is shaping up to be a busy week…. last Friday I met with Mr. K (who lives less than five minutes walk from my house) for a drink. Second date is tomorrow night.

Mr. RJ, who I am meeting this evening.

And Mr. J2 (same name as Mr. J AND he lives in the same ‘burb) on Thursday. Mr. J2 kind of looks like Paul Rudd (in my opinion), and I have been crushing on Paul Rudd since he was Josh.

Swoon! Such a Baldwin.

I was supposed to meet Mr. J2 about ten days ago, but I cancelled at the last-minute. At the time, things were moving ahead with Mr. D, so I was honest and told him that I had started seeing someone and wouldn’t feel right about meeting him.

He was a nice guy. He thanked me for the message and wished me luck.

The real reason was that I had a bout of depression at the time and the thought of meeting yet another man… it was just depressing me.

So I cancelled.

Then yesterday I re-read his profile and thought… what the hell. If I don’t ask, the answer is always no.

So I sent him an email and asked if he was still interested in meeting. He replied, ‘life is too short, sure we can get together.”

So after some switching up (I was originally seeing Mr. RJ on Thursday but moved him to tonight) we are meeting on Thursday. It’s difficult for men with kids to make plans so I am always willing to do what I can to help make it happen.

So tonight is Mr. RJ – and I will be honest, not sure I am feeling it with him either. But I will give him a chance – a fair chance.

Tomorrow is Mr. K – and as this is a second date… well… it might be a late night.

Then Thursday is Mr. J2. Probably at the same place I will be meeting Mr. RJ.

Is that wrong?

Thankfully this weekend I’m headed to the outlets for some shopping and girl time with my Bestie… maybe she can help me make some sense out of things.

The one thing I like is Mr. K made it clear that he is dating several people at the same time, meaning he is not necessarily looking for a solid relationship right now.

The big question is why do I gravitate towards that? Am I afraid of being hurt again, so I purposefully choose to spend my time with a lot of people so I don’t develop feelings for any one man? So I don’t get hurt?

Or am I just selfish in wanting to be with as many men as I can, so I don’t feel so lonely? To boost my self-confidence?

Too many thoughts for a Tuesday morning….

 

 

 

A Funny Thing Happened While Waiting for a Blind Date…

So it seems I missed out on updating you on a lot that has happened to me recently.

I went back and re-read some of my latest posts and I realized I forgot to tell you about two back-to-back dates I had!

The first was with Mr. A, on October 29.

We had been emailing and flirting and chatting for almost a week when he asked to meet me. On a school night no less! I threw caution to the wind and met him at a little bar he recommended.

Oh, this is a good one too. How the hell did I forget to write about it?

So I arrive early. What can I say? I am an early one. I wasn’t sure how long it would take for me to get there and I knew parking would be an issue. So I arrived about half an hour early. Good thing too – the place was packed!

The owner met me at the door and asked if I was looking for a group of women. I told him, ‘no, I’m meeting someone here but if that doesn’t work out maybe you can show me to their table?” Said with a smile.

So he found me a quiet table by the window where I could watch the people arriving. It was so hot in there – I had dressed for the cooler weather so I was boiling hot. A few minutes later the waitress came by and I ordered a drink. Told her I was meeting someone. A few minutes after that the owner came back and told me that he wants women to feel comfortable here, so that if things didn’t go well I was to let him know.

Wow. Talk about service!

A few minutes later my drink arrived. With another message from the waitress also telling me to let her know if I was uncomfortable. Holy crap, did everyone know?

Then I noticed a man arrive. He was wearing a jacket. I tried to get a good look at the jacket, because my date, Mr. A. told me he would be wearing a sport team jacket.

But those jackets come in all sizes. Leather bomber? Windbreaker? Pullover? Red? Black?

So I was staring at Mr. Jacket, who buzzed in and out of the packed room, obviously looking for someone. Me, perhaps?

The second time he buzzed in he came over to me. I guess he noticed me staring at him (trying to make out the logo on his jacket).

He came over to my table by the window and said, “Hi, what’s your name?” with a smile and a handshake.

I told him my name, shook his hand. “I’m not really sure where I’m going” he said. Then he buzzed out again.

Boy that was weird. So I went back to looking out the window and checking the time on my phone.

Then Mr. Jacket was seated at the table for four diagonally across from me. He sat in the chair facing me. A few minutes passed, then he said, “waiting for someone?”.

“Yes. Is it that obvious?” I said with a laugh.

Then the waitress came by. I guess Mr. Jacket was a regular. He was waiting for some friends to arrive to watch the football game on the big screen.

A few more minutes passed then he said, “is this a … <pause>.. first communion?”

I chuckled. “Yes, yes it is,” I told him.

“Where did you meet?” he asked.

“Online.” I replied.

He smiled a bit. Nodded his head. “Which site?”

“I’m not going to tell you that!” I laughed.

He went back to his phone. Then he said, “come on… which one?”

So I told him… “I was Fishing.”

He nodded. “Yes, I know that one. I was on there as well a few years ago. Before I got married and had kids. Now I am not married,” he paused, “but still have the kids.”

I chuckled. “Yes, that’s usually how it works.”

A few moments pass. “So, what’s your user name?”

“I am definitely not telling you that,” I laughed. “This is awkward enough as it is!”.

“Well my friends and I are waiting for that table”,” he says as he pointed to the one RIGHT NEXT TO ME. “If this guy gives you grief you just let us know, you can come and join us.”

I laughed. “Fuck,” I said, “this is like being on a date with my brother chaperoning.”

He laughed at that. Went back to his phone. A few minutes later he saw me looking out the window. “Is he late?”

“No. I am early.”

“What time is he meeting you?”

“8:20” I say. “After a meeting ends.”

“8:20? What kind of time is 8:20? Why not just 8:30 and be early?” he said.

“What does he look like?”

“Oh, you know…” I said, “like everyone else these days.”

He nodded. A few minutes later he pointed to a guy outside. “Is that him? He’s good-looking!”

I chuckled again. “no, not him. He is wearing a jacket from a sports team. That’s why I was looking at your jacket, trying to see if you were him.”

He nods. Goes back to his phone.

“So… do you have any….?” he flattens his hand and lowers it to the ground. He waits and then says, “short ones?” Ah. Gotcha.

“No, I don’t have any kids” I said.

“Any of the two-legged kind?”

“Yes, one. A cat.”

He nodded. “Yes, most do if they don’t have the other kind.”

During this exchange the waitress keeps coming back and forth. There is an older man sitting at the table right next to me, listening and watching. He just watched it all while eating his wings – I bet it was more entertaining than the pre-game show on the big screen.

He of course, had to put in his two cents worth as well, about how meeting a blind date was so nerve-wracking.

Okay, so now I am on a blind date with my brother and my father chaperoning!

Finally the older man leaves. The table next to me opens up. Still, Mr. Jacket just watches me watch the window.

Then, finally it’s 8:20 and Mr. A. shows up. Right on time. Wearing a sports team jacket. We greet. We sit. We start talking.

And I notice Mr. Jacket discreetly give me the thumbs up and a cheesy grin, which made me chuckle.

I turn my attention back to Mr. A. We discussed travel, World War II (I know), The Princess Bride (which I have never seen in its entirety) and the usual other things people talk about while on a first date.

At this point, a table right on front of the big screen opened up, so Mr. Jacket and his friends sat there to watch the game. Thank God.

About an hour into our date, the owner came by. Stopped at the table, looked at us both and said, “how are you doing tonight?”.

We nodded, and said “fine”. Then he looked directly at me and said, “is everything all right here?”

Just kill me now.

“Yes, everything is great. Thank you” I said.

So about two hours after our date started it was getting really warm. Like, sweating warm. So Mr. A. said, “do you want to get out of here?”.

“Sure, sounds good.” I said. I picked up my stuff, put on my layers for the outside. Then as I was leaving, Mr. Jacket said, “bye, Anonymous” and smiled.

Mr. A and I went outside into the cool refreshing air. He walked me to my car. We talked at my car about all kinds of things. Then he kissed me. Softly. Two hugs. A “we’ll be in touch”, and then I was in my car and on my way. (All this took about 15 minutes after leaving the bar.)

I drove home, happy. It was a successful date, I think. I actually kissed someone on the first date – a soft, chaste kiss, but still, it was a kiss. We got along well. No lack of conversation, or laughs. Not bad at all.

And, I think I got hit on… weirdness all around me.

And then… I didn’t hear from Mr. A on Friday.

Nor on Saturday.

Finally, on Sunday I sent him a quick email thanking him for the evening and asking if I was going to see him again – but in cute way. I also told him that if not, it was nice meeting him and that I wished him luck in his search.

No reply. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

Oh well. I guess I wasn’t his type. This was my first dating rejection.

But the whole evening made for a great story. I just wish I had gotten Mr. Jacket’s name….

Next up – bowling with Mr. C. October 30th. Stay tuned…