The Shit Hath Hiteth The Fan…eth

(Ten points if you  can name that movie!)

Since Mr. J mentioned getting divorced last week, he’s commented on it a few times.

On Friday night he was annoyed with The Ex and so he said he’d like to tell her to just ‘finish what you started. It’s been three years.”

I can tell he’s growing more and more frustrated with her. While I remain positive and supportive.

Yesterday he called me as I was driving home from work. I used the Bluetooth in my car to talk to him.

He informed me that while he was napping, The Ex messaged him again about their government benefits. (Backstory: she had been claiming them solo since they split, then she told him that he should apply for them as well. So he did, he was approved and has been receiving his share.)

The issue is that when he applied for them, he used the date that is on their separation agreement as the legal date of separation. Even though The Ex moved in June, the legal date for all their papers is six months earlier. For tax reasons it was easiest to use that date when drawing everything up.

She however, used the date of June for the date of separation.

So now since the government owed Mr. J an extra six months of benefits, where do you think they are going to get that money from? From an over-payment to The Ex, that’s where.

Basically, she has to pay back six months of benefits to the government unless Mr. J tells them the date was June and not December.

Which, in reality, is not his problem. All their legal docs say December. That’s when the retro for all bills, accounts, mortgage payments, debts, pensions, etc. were dated.

I guess she was not happy with Mr J not bending over backwards for her, and got testy. Then, he said to her that it was ‘time we formalized things and got divorced”.

I was speechless when he told me this. It’s one thing to mention it to me and talk about it but I never, ever thought he would approach her about it so soon. I figured he would think about it for the summer and then talk to her about it.

Well apparently it didn’t go over well, as was expected. I guess in her mind, the separation agreement was all that was needed; they didn’t really need to get divorced. They could just keep on, keeping on like they have been – sharing insurance benefits and la-dee-da.

(This is where Mr. J told me that he has been locked out of her insurance plan, meaning he can’t log in and apply his receipts directly. He has to submit them to her first, she gets the money back and gives it to him. Whereas he had left his open so she could go in with the password and apply hers right away.)

Obviously, nothing would change for the children; they would both remain covered under their parent’s plans, regardless of anything else.

Of course she was not really thrilled with this either. So she said to him, “fine, if you want a divorce, you can pay for it.”

Now Mr. J had told me that he would have been happy paying for half of it. Even though she instigated this whole thing, he would not have forced her to pay to end things. After all, they each paid a considerable sum to their respective lawyers when it came to arranging the separation agreement. Even though they did most of the work themselves, they still sought legal advice, which was not cheap.

My divorce cost $1150. Flat fee. The most important piece is the separation agreement. All you are doing is saying, yes, we will continue to abide by the agreement, we just want the marriage officially ended.

I’d be willing to pay for half of the cost myself if it means getting Mr. J released sooner. $575 is the best money I can spend.

But I know The Ex was pissed because SHE didn’t make the decision. She wasn’t in control of the situation. And I’m sure she never expected those words to come out of Mr. J’s mouth (or in this case, his phone.)

It’s been a day, so I am waiting for the shoe to drop. I’m waiting for The Ex to start the sad messages. The ones about how she never thought this would be happening, that she’s ‘struggling’ with this, or whatever other crap she comes up with.

Mr. J has reached his limit with her. He’s tired of her games. Tired of her bullshit. Tired of her control.

Tired of her.

I’m so very proud of him for standing up for himself and finally deciding what HE wants.

 

(In)Significant Other

It’s like the hits just keep on coming this week.

Yesterday morning, I decided to treat myself and booked a pedicure for after work. So at 4:30, I was sitting in a big massage chair, my feet immersed in soapy hot water.

At 4:35, my phone buzzed. It was The Daughter. She asked, “When are you coming home?”

Now the only time The Daughter texts me is when she needs something, and it usually involves a ride somewhere. So I responded, “I’m at an appointment right now so I’m not sure.”

Then she wrote, “okay. The Son’s phone seems to be dead and I don’t know where my keys are.”

Dad nags the kids incessantly about making sure they have their keys when they leave the house. But as usual, sometimes they don’t listen.

The Son is usually home by 4pm, so The Daughter assumed his phone was dead as he wasn’t answering her, or he was inside the house, with headphones on, playing his DS.

Both would have been valid situations.

I responded that if he isn’t home, he might still be at school working on his project. There have been days when he stayed til five to work on his art.

Long story short, we texted for a while about what to do. I would not be home until at least 5:30, so I was of no use to her. She decided to go to a friend’s house and I would text her when I got home.

I texted at 5:47 when I got home. The Daughter had to clean her room, pack her stuff and eat before going back to school at 6:30 for a band concert.

She told me when she got home at six that The Son was at Mom’s house.

I find out later from Mr. J that Mom picked up the Son, they went to do an eye test and then picked out glasses; then he went to her house to work on homework.

I asked Mr. J if he knew about this before it happened. He said he did.

So at this time, had I actually KNOWN what was going on, had he actually told me, I could have told The Daughter at 4:30 what was going on. She could have gone to her mom’s house.

But also… The Son has his keys. Mom could easily have run him over to unlock the door then gone back. Instead, The Daughter was stranded – by her own fault of course.

And yet again I see myself being left out of the loop. Even when it comes to dinner – I had no idea The Son would not be there, and had I known, I would have just picked up a pizza on my way home after my pedicure, rather than stress about cooking something in 30 minutes before we had to leave.

And it gets better.

We sit through the concert. At one point there is an announcement that the Jazz band had won an award, and that they were invited to play at a prestigious local music festival in June.

I asked Mr. J if he knew about it and he said yes.

“Oh,” I said, “I didn’t.”

We talked briefly before the concert started about the lack of communication between us and nothing was really resolved. I can’t force him to tell me things, but seriously, whenever something good happens – especially the Jazz band news – would you not want to share that news with the person you are living with?

I was going to use the term your ‘significant other’ but in reality I am not significant at all. I think that is the biggest realization. Is he taking me for granted? I’m good enough to share bills and cook and all the other crap I do around the house but when it comes to good news, I am not important enough to share it with? Or is it that he hears it then forgets about it immediately?

His wife is still his significant other. No matter what the separation agreement says.

But I? I am insignificant.

The Acknowledgement

Last night did not go well.

I went home after work. Folded laundry. Washed dishes. Prepared dinner.

Chatted with The Daughter.

Mr. J came home. We had leftovers for dinner. He was tired, we didn’t talk much while we were eating.

I asked him what his plans were for the evening, and asked if he wanted to take a walk.

He thought about it for a moment and said, “I should probably go to Costco to return X and to look at Y. You can stay here and work with The Daughter on her homework.”

Um, pardon?

I can “stay home and work with The Daughter?” As her father, isn’t helping with homework your job?

I was hurt and angry. I changed then went out for a walk. I kissed him goodbye and said ‘see you later’. No anger. Nothing.

I walked for about half an hour, thinking of the situation. As I round the corner to head home, I see Mr. J and The Daughter in the van at the corner. He tells me they ‘won’t be long’. I say, “I thought I was helping The Daughter while you went to Costco?” As he stuttered his response I said, “Oh, I guess I misunderstood.” And kept walking.

They returned an hour later. I was watching TV. And fuming.

After ten minutes Mr. J comes up and has The Daughter’s homework with him. (She was supposed to have two people edit her work and then present the original, the one with our edits, and the fixed copy to her teacher. So, essentially WE were teaching her.)

When The Daughter went to shower I asked him if he had any idea why I was mad.

(To be honest, I don’t think he had a clue that I even was mad.)

I told him that he made me feel like the hired help. I relayed the conversation about walking and his response. I asked, “how do you think that made me feel?”

“Well I was getting ready to go and The Daughter saw me…” he started, and so I finished, “and so she asked to go with you.”

“Of course she did. Even though you had told me I was to stay home and work with her.”

He replied, “I don’t remember the conversation going like that.”

Then he said that I mentioned (which I did) that he needed to get dress pants that fit him for the wedding on Saturday, and yes, I asked that he not wait until the last-minute to do so. (He’s a man, he would have gone out on Friday night after dropping the kids off at Mom’s at eight pm, only to not find anything that fits. Because he is a last-minute guy.)

In this brief discussion, I also said that I didn’t know what my role was. I said, “I’m always the last to know plans. I’m never in the loop. It’s fine for me to share your bills, cook, do dishes, do meal plans, and be on call to take your kids (which I apologized for saying because he doesn’t like that word, he prefers using their names, so I corrected myself) for tutoring sessions and to school for band concerts. We don’t share anything else but that. So right now you make me feel like the hired help.”

There was more I wanted to stay but at this point I had started to cry, which I do when I’m in a highly emotional state. I’m not sure if I was angry, frustrated or sad. But I was all three when he replied to my rant, “thank you for telling me how you feel.”

Wow. Seriously? Is that supposed to make me feel better?

But I know that’s how Mr. J communicates. He thinks that it’s all good, because he’s acknowledging my feelings. He’s not admitting to making me feel that way, be believes that I am the one making me feel that way. But he doesn’t realize that I feel the way I do because of his actions. Or in some cases, his in-actions.

The rest of the evening was strained, to say the least. At 9:30 I went to get ready for bed, per my usual routine. I was asleep when he finally made it to bed – well, I was well on my way to sleeping actually. Not quite there but not fully awake either.

Our morning texts have not been our usually cheeriness. He started by once again thanking me for telling him what’s been bothering me. And again, no discussion about it or thoughts on how to proceed.

The Daughter has a school concert tonight at seven. I’m really not sure that I should go. Do I want to go? Not really. I’ve had my fair share of school concerts this year and I’m pretty tired of them. It’s funny that a year ago I was upset because I wasn’t asked to attend her concerts, and now I don’t want to go. The last time we went to a school function, Mr. J barely spoke to me; while we were in line waiting to go in to get seats he stared at his wife and The Boyfriend the whole time (they were about six to ten people ahead of us in line). And last night, since The Son was at Mom’s doing homework with her, Mr. J thought it would be best if the Son just spent the night there since it was 9:30 and there was no word on when he would be home. He messaged Mom and she replied that it ‘would be easier to drop him off after’ rather than have him spend the night. Reading between the lines this means that she was either going to sleep at The Boyfriend’s house or he was going to be there. Either way, Mr. J made a comment about it, saying it was ‘interesting’.

Why? Why should it be ‘interesting’? Why do you still care? You have a woman you say you love, living with you, lying beside you every night. Having willing sex with you often. Helping you function as a family in ways that your wife never did. And yet it seems you do everything you can to NOT let her into your life.

Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe I am making things out to be much bigger than they really are. Are we going to talk about this again? Probably not. Simply acknowledging my feelings doesn’t make it better.

Working to change the situation might.

And I’m scared that’s not going to happen.

Lyin’ Eyes

Well the bubble has burst big-time, my friends.

Last week I caught Mr. J in a lie.

A stupid, stupid lie.

And now I don’t know what to do about it.

The kicker is, I knew before he told me that it was a lie.

Let me back up, shall I?

Two weeks ago Sunday, Mr. J and the daughter were outside working on the car. He had forgotten to bring his phone out, so I grabbed it and was bringing it to him when he received a message, from The Ex.

Of course I glanced at it – not my fault he has preview on his screen, is it?

So the message had to do with her thinking about changing laundry soap because of allergies. Not rash-type, because I would have heard about that. All I have heard in the past from The Daughter is that Mom always washes all the clothes when the kids go back to her place because she ‘hates the smell of Gain’.

So, whatever. Wash if you like. I love the smell of Gain.

Then the following Tuesday, Mr. J and I were at Costco, and Gain was on sale. So I asked if he wanted to get some detergent. He said, “no – my friend Dave told me that there are some detergents that cause cancer so I’m thinking of switching.”

Now I work in a medical library. I know how to do research. And I knew he had been told stuff about cancer because he has a soft spot – his mom died young of cancer, and so he is really careful about certain things. He won’t microwave anything in a plastic container, for example.

So if you want to really make him think… that’s how to do it.

All I told him was, ‘where’s the research on that? I’ve never heard of anything like that, and if stuff was really bad for you, it would be pulled from the market. Let me do some research before you make your decision.”

So the next day I did some research. And I learned that there are a lot of sites out there that claim that detergents cause cancer. Most of those sites are not ones that I would say are valid resources though. But then I found a couple of articles in reputable sites that said that yes, laundry soaps do release a certain chemical that ‘has been linked’ to cancer. However, the article also stated that the amounts are so small that you would have to almost ingest the stuff for it to do any real damage. And on that list, Gain was listed fourth, after Tide and a couple of other name-brand products.

My takeaway from that is there is no real long-term chance of cancer from using those products.

In my email to Mr. J with the links included, I asked that he ‘change detergents because he wants to, not because someone thinks he should’.

(Meaning I know she is trying to scare you to do something she wants you to do.)

A week passes. The following Saturday, The Daughter is in the kitchen with us. She hugs her dad and smells him. Then she says, “did you change soap yet? You don’t smell like Gain now.” And then I heard something mumbled about Mom and I think ‘charcoal’ so I am not sure if she is using a charcoal detergent or if heard wrong.

The bottom line is, I knew that The Ex was asking him to change soaps, not ‘his friend Dave’.

I actually caught him in a lie. First time.

And the first time sucks.

I called him on it too, as he was still cooking dinner. His reply was that it was easier to tell me it was ‘Dave’ than to tell me the real reason – to avoid a confrontation, he alluded.

So instead of not saying anything about it at all, he flat-out lied to my face.

It’s been five days and I don’t know how to handle this.

I am so hurt that he lied to me – about something so fucking stupid. So now of course I don’t know how to trust anything he says. And I am constantly wondering if he’s lied about other things as well.

We had plans to go out that night, which we did. We met a friend of mine to listen to a band play. We talked briefly about The Lie at bar, with me ending it by saying, ‘you know that when you lied you put The Ex up here” – I raised my hand high, ‘but at the same time, you put me down here,” – and I put my hand to my hips. “You put her ahead of me” I told him.

And we haven’t discussed it since. The kids have been with us, The Ex had to talk to him after hockey this week (again – funny how on both occasions when we’ve been there together, she finds a reason to keep him late to ‘talk’), his father is visiting and it’s been hectic.

There are so many emotions I am feeling. Anger, that he lied. Hurt, that he did it in the first place – and the fact that he never apologized for doing it. Sadness that he doesn’t respect me enough to tell me the truth – or in this case, to tell me nothing at all. Seriously, why didn’t he just said, ‘nope, we have enough soap’ when I asked? Then none of this would have happened.

But the most I feel is real sadness. That again, a man has lied to me about something so incredibly stupid. This was how my last relationships ended… it all starts with that first lie. So easy to do, and once you start… will there be an end?

Now I don’t know how to go forward. Do I keep pretending it didn’t happen, or do I push him to talk about it? Or send him a text message?

How do I move forward and put this behind me? Do I trust that he isn’t going to do this again?

Fuck.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?

While we were on vacation, there was an incident, and I’m not quite sure what to make of it.

I’ve been rolling it over in my mind for a few weeks now, wondering if I am making more of it than I should be. At the time I was hurt, and sad.

It happened on the Friday morning. Our second-to-last day of vacation, our last day at the cottage.

Mr. J had planned for us to go out for breakfast, just the two of us, before the children were awake. Just a short little break.

As usual I was up earlier than everyone else. I was outside on the deck with a cup of tea, reading and checking Facebook.

I noticed that someone I work with had shared a post from our organization. (For a little privacy, I don’t follow my organization. I don’t want them having the ability to see my stuff.)

The post was a photo of me, promoting one of our services. I had posed for it, and had seen it on a work email, but hadn’t seen it on any social media.

I go back to reading my book. About fifteen minutes later, The Daughter comes out to greet me. She asks if I have a Twitter account.

(Yes. This is random. But this is not unusual for her.)

I tell her that I do have a Twitter account, but I never really use it. I manage a Twitter account at work and so I use that for tweeting.

She then says, “mom was asking me if you had a Twitter account, that’s weird, right?”

She also said, “she’s always asking me weird questions about you”

Greaaaaaaat.

Then I asked her why mom was asking and she said, ‘mom said that she saw a photo of you” and then she showed me the message her mom had sent her (I am writing this from memory so it may not be exact):

“Does Anonymous have Twitter? There was a really nice photo of her posted at work. I also sent it to your dad.”

Okay. Let’s break this down, shall we?

Kudos for saying it was a really nice photo of me. It was. In a cutesy kind of way.

Also nice to ask if I had Twitter so I could see the Tweet for myself.

However…. if you are texting your Daughter, who is with me, to ask if I have Twitter… why not just send the Daughter the photo/tweet so that she could show it to me?

Instead she sent it to Mr. J.

So, a few minutes later, Mr. J walks outside. Dressed and ready to go for breakfast. I run inside while he chats with The Daughter, and get dressed. In ten minutes we are heading to the truck stop we like for breakfast.

After we are seated and are chatting, I couldn’t wait any longer. I bring up the fact that The Ex sent him a photo of me.

And I asked him about it. Because so far, he hadn’t said anything about it.

He kind of laughed and said that he wondered about that, and then told me he had planned on telling  me later that afternoon.

And this, my friends, is where it begins.

I don’t know if I am making too much of an issue of it or not.

Because I think that if I hadn’t mentioned to him what The Daughter told me, he would not have said anything about receiving the photo.

And that’s where I have worries. And doubts. It actually kept me awake almost all that Friday night – worrying about whether or not I could still trust him.

I couldn’t talk to him about it that day at all as we really weren’t alone. Nor the next day. And then the next passed, and the next… and other issues came into play, such as the fact that Mr. J did not tell the children that week about my moving in.

Part of the reason I couldn’t bring it up – and really haven’t yet – is because I wonder if I am overreacting.

I know that I can’t control what The Ex sends him in messages.

I also know that HE can’t control what she sends, either.

But I also know that Mr. J really hasn’t been himself for a long time. His focus is off, and sometimes he can’t really put what he wants to say into the right words.

So instead of doing the mature thing and talking to him about it, I spent that whole Friday night lying awake next to him in bed, crying, and wondering if I could still trust him.

I mean really – was it that big a deal? He knows that I sometimes get frustrated with the non-child-related messages she sends to him. He’s told me that he is very happy to have met me. And once, he told me I was the best thing to ever happen to him.

So what if his ex sent him a photo of me? The questions I have are: why does it matter to me so much, and why didn’t he tell me about it?

What do you think? Did I overreact? Did I make a big deal over something stupid? Or should Mr. J have told me about the text right away that morning?

In the meantime, I’ve decided to let it go. I’m not going to be one of those women and “punish” Mr. J for something he doesn’t know he did – or didn’t do. Like a strong, mature woman, I moved past it. I’m not holding a grudge. Or giving him the silent-but-bitchy treatment.

(Seriously. Why do women do that?)

Instead I remained the same supportive, loving person that I have always been with him. And hopefully, one day in the future, I’ll bring it up and just ask the question.

Or maybe I won’t ask the question. What’s the point in rehashing something that neither of us had control over?

The bigger issue is me trying to get a handle on my jealousy. If her texts didn’t bother me, then Mr. J would probably have told me about it.

What do you think? Rational or irrational? And should I still bring it up?

When to Speak Up

Things with Mr. J2 are still going smoothly. Essentially we live together every second week when he doesn’t have his kids. I arrive while he is at work on Saturday, then I usually leave either Friday evening or Saturday morning, depending on what’s going on.

This weekend we will be driving to see the Son W play in a hockey tournament. We are either staying the night at Mr. J2’s father’s house, or we will drive back after the last game, depending if W’s team makes the finals. If the team doesn’t play on Sunday then we will drive back home on Saturday night – making it a very long day.

IF we stay at Mr. J2’s father’s house, Mr. J2 has already decided that he will share a room with me.

This is big.

We’ve skirted the issue of bed sharing for the past month, since I first met the kids. When I visit during his week with them, I always go home at night. I never stay over. I might show up a few times during the week but I always go home.

I thought, since the second bedroom has a set of twin beds, that Mr. J2 would sleep in that room with W, and I would have the room with the Queen. But Mr. J2 said no, he would share with me.

So it will be interesting to see if W makes the connection or just takes it in stride.

The only issue I am having lately is how much The Ex texts Mr. J2. It’s really starting to bother me.

We always talk about their relationship and their marriage. Usually it’s about what went wrong, and what he learned from it so that he won’t go through it again.

But how can Mr. J2 really get over The Ex when she is constantly texting him?

Last night at 10pm she texted him asking if he was on Netflix. He still uses her account since it was the family account for years, and it’s all set up that way on the PS3.

He replied that no, he wasn’t on Netflix.

And that should have been the end of it, but no… she kept texting him.

And he kept replying.

At one point he commented about it and I said flat-out, “she asked, you replied no – that should be the end of the conversation. You don’t need to know the why’s and the how’s of her Netflix issues”

And surprisingly, Mr. J2 replied, “you are so good for me.”

And then he said, “My brother C would say the same thing. He would tell me to disengage. Stop replying. Just let it go.”

But how can he disengage when she keeps texting him all the time? Once, on a Sunday night, she was texting him from the hockey rink where the Son was practicing. She texted him, “I’m bored.”

My comment was, “why is that your problem? She should be texting with her boyfriend J if she is bored.”

But still he replied a bit.

I understand why of course – they were together for over 20 years. He knows her so well.

And I won’t lie… it’s making me jealous.

I really hate that he jumps to respond when his phone dings. But I know that it could be from the kids, his brothers, his dad… it could be anyone.

But when I hear that she keeps engaging him in pointless conversation, it bothers me.

He’s a nice guy. He is going to respond. But each day it seems, he tells me how he is losing respect for her. He sees how good we are together and it makes him realize how bad things really were for him in his marriage. I always hug and kiss him and he remembers how often he was rebuffed or turned away.

These are all good things that will continue to strengthen our relationship going forward.

But right now? It sucks. We are open with our communication. We talk a lot about everything. But I am not sure how to bring this up with him. How do I tell him that it bothers me when responds to her texts after the initial response? He should not respond to the ‘I’m bored’ text – he shouldn’t be rude either (like I would say, why aren’t you texting with your boyfriend J?”), but he should stop after the first response. “No, not on Netflix, watching TV with Anonymous and going to bed”. That’s it. No more explanation needed – none of her business.

So my problem is how to bring this up without sounding like a nagging fishwife – which he has had plenty of in the last few years. He isn’t doing it to hurt me – in fact I think it’s actually hurting him. It’s making it more difficult, I think, for him to pull away from her.

Which is entirely her plan.

She wants to keep reminding him that she is there. Why does he need to know that one of her friends got laid off yesterday? Unless he knew the friend well, that is – which he didn’t. Otherwise, it’s her news and doesn’t affect him OR the kids.

But she still shares with him.

I can’t stop her from doing it. And I can’t stop him from reading her texts or replying. But the question is how do I stop being jealous of it?

How do I let go of these feelings? It’s all on me, he’s never made me feel anything but important to him. As soon as he finishes work I am the first one he texts. If he can’t call me on his drive home because he has to deal with the lawyer or other stuff, he tells me. He talks to me about The Ex a lot and I don’t want to lose that. It helps me understand where he is, and how he is dealing with it – and how she is behaving.

It actually keeps the trust between us when he doesn’t hide her – or what she says/does – from me.

So if I bring it up and he stops telling me about it, that would be a bad thing.

Rock… hard place. With me right in the middle.

Hopefully with more time it will settle itself out. I can’t hope for much more than that.

You Don’t Get to be Sad

I started to write a Happy 2016 post but I just need to get something off my chest. I will fill you in on all the wonderful things that happened over the holidays, but I need to say this first.

To the ex-Mrs. J2:

You do not get to be sad that your ex-husband has met someone so wonderful that he wants to introduce her to your kids. You had him for almost 20 years; in that time you never appreciated the wonderfully loving and romantic person that he is. Instead, you tried to change him, or make him feel bad for being so loving and romantic. You made him choose between his out-of-town family and you. You destroyed your family and ended a 20-year relationship because you didn’t want to ‘live with’ anyone, and you ‘wanted something new in your life’. You hooked up with a guy you knew before you met your husband while you were still living in the house with him, and even if you say nothing happened between the two of you, he was still the focus of your attention instead of your husband. You introduced him to your kids in August, although clarifying that he’s ‘just a friend’ all the time is fooling no one. Why else would you spend most nights with your kids at his place when you have them? So given all that, all I want to say is Fuck You. You had him for 20 years and threw him away. You didn’t see what a smart, handsome, sexy, funny, amazing man (and father) he is. You selfishly took him for granted. You broke his heart. For six months you pushed him away but also wanted to keep him close by dropping little nuggets, such as telling him you ‘didn’t want to sign the separation agreement”. You wanted new and exciting and to be on your own… but you also wanted to keep your ex close by, wanting him to be pining for you and die miserable and alone. And you know what? He was pining for you. Until he met me. And he loves me. And he wants me to meet his children – your children. And in the next year, we will probably be moving in together. And no – you do not have the right to tell your ex husband that you are ‘glad for him but a little sad too’. You don’t get to be sad. You don’t get to be ‘struggling’ with the fact that the man you tossed away is happy again – and not with you. You lost that right the minute you ended your marriage. Because I love him. And appreciate him. And I see how wonderful and funny and amazing he is. And you know what? That’s your loss. You will never find anyone who will love you the way you want to be loved, because you don’t love yourself. You are a selfish, selfish person, as indicated by the fact you told your ex that you were sad he had met someone important enough to introduce to your kids. Instead of being happy he’s moving on, you choose to burden him with your issues – and let’s be clear, they are YOUR issues. So I am not sorry you are having a difficult time with this fact. You wanted this. You wanted out of a marriage. You got what you wanted, and if it getting what you wanted, no matter the cost doesn’t make you happy? Then I feel sorry for you.

That is all.