50/50

One week ago I had a breast biopsy done.

I’m still waiting on the results. It could be 7-10 business days to get them to my doctor, and then I will have to make an appointment to see her to actually get the results.

I’m pretty sure that it’s going to turn out to be nothing. But then again I am sure every woman in my position says the same thing.

But right now, at this moment while waiting for my results… it’s not nothing.

In reality, I have a 50/50 chance of having cancer.

Until I get the results, it could go either way. There is no way to predict it. I feel okay normally but the lump they found was really small. I am a non-smoker, in general good health, with not much family history of cancer.

So I know, the chances are quite good that it’s just a cyst.

But the not knowing makes it difficult. The waiting. So until my doctor says the words ‘benign’, I have a 50% chance of being diagnosed with cancer.

Mr. J has been awesome through this ordeal.He’s been through it before – his mother died of cancer when she was just 56; and it started with breast cancer. She beat it, then had liver cancer two years later which she did not survive.

I haven’t told many people about this. I don’t see the point. My best friend knows, my co-worker knows, and that’s it. Mr. J talked to his father about it because he’s been through it. I would think it weird if Mr. J hadn’t reached out to his father about this. Even though he puts on a brave front, I know he’s worried.

But he was very good to me before and after the procedure.  He took care of me, and no one has done that for me in a long time. I’ve always been the strong one. Always been the one to take care of others. So it’s been nice to have someone who wants to take care of me.

The hard part is letting him. But I’m learning how.

Tick tock, tick tock… the clock is counting down. We are now day 4 post procedure. I do hope to have results by this Friday (day 8) as on Saturday we are supposed to go to the cottage for a week, but you never know what can happen. We’re trying to work out contingency plans but right now we are just taking each day as it comes.

May the odds be ever in my favor.

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