(Ten points if you can name that movie!)
Since Mr. J mentioned getting divorced last week, he’s commented on it a few times.
On Friday night he was annoyed with The Ex and so he said he’d like to tell her to just ‘finish what you started. It’s been three years.”
I can tell he’s growing more and more frustrated with her. While I remain positive and supportive.
Yesterday he called me as I was driving home from work. I used the Bluetooth in my car to talk to him.
He informed me that while he was napping, The Ex messaged him again about their government benefits. (Backstory: she had been claiming them solo since they split, then she told him that he should apply for them as well. So he did, he was approved and has been receiving his share.)
The issue is that when he applied for them, he used the date that is on their separation agreement as the legal date of separation. Even though The Ex moved in June, the legal date for all their papers is six months earlier. For tax reasons it was easiest to use that date when drawing everything up.
She however, used the date of June for the date of separation.
So now since the government owed Mr. J an extra six months of benefits, where do you think they are going to get that money from? From an over-payment to The Ex, that’s where.
Basically, she has to pay back six months of benefits to the government unless Mr. J tells them the date was June and not December.
Which, in reality, is not his problem. All their legal docs say December. That’s when the retro for all bills, accounts, mortgage payments, debts, pensions, etc. were dated.
I guess she was not happy with Mr J not bending over backwards for her, and got testy. Then, he said to her that it was ‘time we formalized things and got divorced”.
I was speechless when he told me this. It’s one thing to mention it to me and talk about it but I never, ever thought he would approach her about it so soon. I figured he would think about it for the summer and then talk to her about it.
Well apparently it didn’t go over well, as was expected. I guess in her mind, the separation agreement was all that was needed; they didn’t really need to get divorced. They could just keep on, keeping on like they have been – sharing insurance benefits and la-dee-da.
(This is where Mr. J told me that he has been locked out of her insurance plan, meaning he can’t log in and apply his receipts directly. He has to submit them to her first, she gets the money back and gives it to him. Whereas he had left his open so she could go in with the password and apply hers right away.)
Obviously, nothing would change for the children; they would both remain covered under their parent’s plans, regardless of anything else.
Of course she was not really thrilled with this either. So she said to him, “fine, if you want a divorce, you can pay for it.”
Now Mr. J had told me that he would have been happy paying for half of it. Even though she instigated this whole thing, he would not have forced her to pay to end things. After all, they each paid a considerable sum to their respective lawyers when it came to arranging the separation agreement. Even though they did most of the work themselves, they still sought legal advice, which was not cheap.
My divorce cost $1150. Flat fee. The most important piece is the separation agreement. All you are doing is saying, yes, we will continue to abide by the agreement, we just want the marriage officially ended.
I’d be willing to pay for half of the cost myself if it means getting Mr. J released sooner. $575 is the best money I can spend.
But I know The Ex was pissed because SHE didn’t make the decision. She wasn’t in control of the situation. And I’m sure she never expected those words to come out of Mr. J’s mouth (or in this case, his phone.)
It’s been a day, so I am waiting for the shoe to drop. I’m waiting for The Ex to start the sad messages. The ones about how she never thought this would be happening, that she’s ‘struggling’ with this, or whatever other crap she comes up with.
Mr. J has reached his limit with her. He’s tired of her games. Tired of her bullshit. Tired of her control.
Tired of her.
I’m so very proud of him for standing up for himself and finally deciding what HE wants.