So it’s official. Mr. J and I are living together.
Meaning all my shit it as his place. Or, I guess I should say ‘our house’.
We moved the bed over on Sunday, along with my Grandmother’s chair and two patio chairs. The last items to go over.
As far as moving goes, it was quite painless. I had moved the kitchen stuff over in August. Then a couple of weeks ago we did the heavy stuff with two cars full of my storage items and my clothing. Since then, we pretty much did a load or two each week, and I would do an occasional run during the week.
Everything fit within our two hatchback cars, with the exception of the bed and bed frame, which went yesterday in the truck with Mr. J’s dad, who drove the truck up for his visit in time to help with the move.
I guess moving is easy when you leave most of the furniture behind.
Other than a slight issue regarding keys with my now ex-roommate, it went well.
Mr. J asked if I was sad to be leaving, and I told him honestly, ‘no’.
I also told him that even if things had changed for him – if he decided that no, he really wasn’t quite ready to move in – I was ready to leave. I had already decided that I would just rent a bedroom in a house somewhere. I’d learned to live within a smaller space, and given how much time I spent with him, I didn’t need a whole apartment to live in and furnish. I don’t really entertain, I don’t really socialize much in my home.
I’d planned to move out regardless.
So after all was said and done – the car emptied, the truck emptied, and most of my things had been moved to the basement – the dust settled and there was peace and quiet.
I was upstairs in the family room, reading. Mr. J was sharing a beer with his dad, before heading out to watch his Daughter practice her sport. It was a quiet moment in the house and then Mr. J came up to see me. He looked slightly dazed, and definitely tired. He said hi and kissed me, then sat in the love seat across from me. He looked at me and said, “thank you for moving in with me”.
For a moment I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say. Really? You are THANKING ME? I should thank YOU, for all your help in this move, for welcoming me into your family and your life. For allowing me to make small changes in your home so that I don’t feel like I am a replacement for someone who is still missed.
For loving me enough to want to build a life with me.
After a second I replied, with real tears in my eyes, ‘thank you baby. Thank you for asking me.”
Really. This sweet man. How could I not love him and want to be with him?
It was quite a romantic moment, I think.
So the senior Misters went to the sporting event. I stayed behind and made a kick-ass roast beef complete with mashed potatoes and gravy. Mr. J cleaned up all the dishes. I went to bed exhausted at nine to plan clothing and stuff for the next day. Mr. J was up until after ten dealing with his children. He came to bed at 10:15 exhausted and spent. He got ready for bed, got into his cuddle position (he moves towards the center of the bed, puts his arm out so I can put my head on his shoulder and move into him, then he puts his right arm around me and puts his left hand on my right arm as it draped across his chest.
We are quiet. I know he is processing the situation with his children. I do not pry. I do not force him to tell me what is going on. I tell him that I am here if he needs to talk.
He is quiet. And then a few minutes later he says (again), ‘thank you for moving in’.
And I reply ‘it’s my pleasure, thank you for asking me to.”
I’m not sure if he had forgotten that he already thanked me, or if he is so happy that he needed to say it twice.
But I didn’t tear it apart. I didn’t take what he said and over think it.
Come on ladies, you know what I mean: picking apart his words looking for the ‘real meaning’.
(Is he thanking me because now he doesn’t have to cook? Or worry about meal plans? Or because he knows I will be home before him so the kids are not alone? So that he won’t have to do everything alone during the week he has his kids? Or because now he has someone to share the household expenses with so that he has a little more money each month?)
The old me would have done that. I would have looked for the ‘real’ reason. Meaning, I would have been looking for the negative in it.
Instead I take it the way it was meant: with love and affection from a very tired, very happy man who happens to be in love with me. And who I happen to love.
It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.