The Meet

It finally happened.

The stress and worry about meeting The Ex is over.

It took place on Sunday afternoon at The Boy’s last hockey game. The Ex had missed the game the previous day, but she was going to attend this one.

Mr. J2 asked if I was okay with that, and hoped I would still attend if The Ex did.

I told him of course I would go, as I had planned to attend both games, regardless of what The Ex was doing.

It all went off smoothly – to a point.

You see… The Ex also brought The Boyfriend with her.

So Mr. J2 finally got to meet The Boyfriend that’s been spending time with his children since August of last year.

About fucking time, in my opinion.

The Daughter was there in the middle of the four of us, commenting about how it was ‘awkward’. But I reassured her that it wasn’t. We were all adults, after all.

But the meet did not go off without some game-playing, from a surprising source.

The Ex moved into shake my hand, I did the same to her. “Hi”. “Hi.”

There. Done. We met. We smiled. We played nice.

Then The Boyfriend turned to shake my hand.

And said, “hi, I’m The Boyfriend. And, sorry, you are…?”

Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?

As if I think for a second you don’t know my name.

But whatever. I can be mature.

I told him my name, kept the smile on my face.

And smirked back when Mr. J2 smirked at me a moment later – he had heard the exchange as well.

Insert eye roll.

Once we went in to watch the game (with a nice buffer of 5-6 rows of seats between us), I looked over to Mr. J2 to ask him how he was doing. I mean, this is the guy that his wife left him for – I’m sure it wasn’t the only reason she left but I am willing to bet that it was a huge factor.

And he turned to me and said, “I feel like a million bucks.”

Because that’s the kind of guy he is. He wanted everyone to meet to get it over with, so that it’s done. The Ex and I are not going to have any more of a relationship than we need to have; we’re not going out for drinks on Girl’s Night or anything.

The only reason for that is because I don’t trust her.

I’ve said all along that while SHE may not want to be with Mr. J2, I think she also doesn’t want anyone else to be with him, either. Even if it might make her feel a little less guilty to see him happy, her control issues  – and her need to be the center of attention (in my opinion), will prevent us from being friends. Friendly, yes. Obviously, as the kids are part of everyone’s lives now.

But friends?

Not. Going. To. Happen.

So after the game (the boys lost, but still a good game), Mr. J2 wanted to go to the locker room to say goodbye to the other players and coaches as it was the final game of the season. I told him I would take The Daughter home with me.

The Ex asked if he had ‘time to talk’.

He didn’t go into all the details with me, but she essentially told him that she ‘doesn’t like all the animosity between them’ and ended up in tears at one point.

What. The. Fuck.

Seriously. What animosity? We all shook hands. We all smiled. We were pleasant as can be.

Does she want us to all sit together and watch the game? To share a drink?


Mr. J2 has talked about how The Ex wants to remain friends with him; and I’ve commented on it here and there. I understand her point; they were together almost 20 years; he probably knows her better than she knows herself.

I would also have a real difficult time letting go of him. But then, I wouldn’t be so stupid as to leave him in the first place.

But that’s just me, coming from my almost-six-month bliss of being with him.

Mr. J2 is one more person to listen to her. One more person to hear how badly she is doing; to hear how often she ‘struggles’. Or… whatever else she feels the need to share with him to gain sympathy.

Perhaps The Boyfriend is not as sympathetic as Mr. J2 was?

Personally, I think it’s her guilt from hurting him. She likes the power of control – knowing that he had a real difficult time after she left him makes her feel, on some level, good. I’ve always said that I think she likes knowing he was pining for her in some small way.

So by telling him how badly she is doing (even though I have seen the opposite at times on her Facebook page), she hopes Mr. J2 will sympathize with her and not make her feel like the bad guy.

To quote another favourite movie:

Just feel guilty.  Swim in it.  Till your fingers get all pruny.

-Kate, from French Kiss

The Ex can feel guilty all she wants. Because the more she tries to gain sympathy, the more it is going to backfire for her.

You want sympathy? Go to The Boyfriend.

That’s his job now.

He knew what he was getting into all those months before you left your husband, so he should be your first call when you are sad, bored, lonely, tired, angry, and yes, happy.

Let Mr. J2 enjoy his happiness with me. For the first time in a hell of a long time, his life doesn’t revolve around you and how you feel, and what he can do for you.

His life now revolves around HIM, and how HE feels. And what HE can do to continue to feel good about himself,  his life and his kids.

About fucking time.



2 thoughts on “The Meet

  1. Staying Anonymous says:

    It’s an interesting situation for sure but I am really proud of the way Mr. J2 handles her. And I’m proud of myself as well for not flying off the handle about it. He tries really hard not to engage her; to not give her what she is after. The part I get pissed about is that it’s not easy for him to not give in to her, and so it always does a number on him after they talk. So then it cuts into our time together, and that’s where I get miffed. But I know that as time goes on it will happen less and less. I most certainly hope so, anyway.


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