The Real Me?

Things with Mr. J2 are still going along well. Swimmingly. Fabulously. Fan-fucking-tastically.

Scarily.

We’ve been officially dating for three months now, but I think we have decided that our ‘anniversary’ will be when he first messaged me, so Halloween it is!

I can’t say it enough – he really is the nicest, sweetest man I’ve ever met or known.

His only fault is perhaps talking too much about his ex, but really, how can I fault him for that? The fact that he is open with me and talks about what went wrong in his relationship can only strengthen ours. He, like I, learned from the past so that going forward he will not make the same mistakes.

He tells me when he is struggling. I know it happens often, but I try not to take it personally. He misses his FAMILY, not necessarily his wife. He tells me over and over how happy he is to have met me, how amazing I am, and how much he loves me.

And the sex is still freaking hot. Last night we had another table episode. He was out-of-town with The Boy at a one day hockey tournament, so when texting, we pretended we were high school kids going to a party at our friend’s house and the parents weren’t home. When he got home, I was wearing a catholic school girl skirt (which after 25 years still fits, thank you very much), knee-high socks, heeled Mary Janes, and a white blouse tied at the waist.

The dining room table didn’t stand a chance – and neither did Mr. J2.

2016-02-21 21.03.17

But I digress…

Everything is amazing with us. We talk a lot. We still have lots of sex. We cook together. We love just hanging out together. And last night even after we cleaned up the mess from the photo… we crawled into bed and each read our books for half an hour or so.

Peacefully. Companionably. Happily.

Our habit is to live together every second week – when he doesn’t have the kids, I arrive on Saturday (Sunday this week due to the hockey tournament) and I basically stay until the following Saturday morning. I plan the meals and buy the groceries (since I would be doing this for myself it doesn’t cost much more to do it for the two of us), we clean together, fold laundry together, watch television together, cook together, do dishes together….

You get the idea.

And, of course, we sleep together.

I’ve noticed in the past that the person I was later on in my relationships was not the person that I started out as. At some point I would start to feel taken advantage of (for money, or my time, or for my car and the ability to drive people places) and so my personality would alter. I would be less inclined to offer a ride somewhere, or to bring food over, or to help out when needed.

So far – that hasn’t happened with Mr. J2.

But I am afraid it will.

I don’t feel that way with him – I don’t feel taken advantage of. I don’t feel used. In fact, for the first time, I truly feel appreciated for my efforts.

He tells me he appreciates me – all the time.

He tells me how amazing I am – all the time.

He leaves me little love messages on my car when it snows – all the time.

He tells me I am beautiful – all the time.

And he tells me he loves me – all the time.

The weeks I don’t see him are lonely for me. I go home, open my laptop, sit like a lump on the sofa and surf the net while watching endless episodes of TV shows.

When I am with him, we hardly watch any TV. There’s not a single show right now that I couldn’t live without seeing – with perhaps the exception of The Big Bang Theory.

So who is the real me?

A) The person who picks up her man after work and does the groceries and cooking for him all week; who cleans bathrooms and folds laundry at night for a family that isn’t hers….

Or B) the person who sits like a lump in front of the TV all night?

I really hope it’s A. When I am cleaning with Mr. J2 on Sundays, I enjoy it. I enjoy cleaning his tubs and scrubbing his toilets. Because I know he appreciates it.

He appreciates me. Otherwise he wouldn’t keep telling me. Or telling me how happy he is to have met me. Especially when The Ex brings things up or tells him that she’s ‘struggling’.

But I stay out of that. He shares with me what she tells him, and for that I am grateful. But it’s not my place to tell him how to deal with her. He will deal with her the best way he can.

All I can do is keep being supportive. The more time goes by the more he sees how unhappy he really was in his marriage and how toxic The Ex is – and how refreshing and wonderful and uncomplicated I am.

Because I am wonderful. And refreshing. And uncomplicated.

I’m just me.

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