Playing Games

Women – well, most of them – play games.

It’s a sad state and most of them don’t even know they are doing it.

But they do.

I’ve made a conscious effort to not be one of those women. I try really hard to not be passive-aggressive.

I wish I could say the same for The Ex.

Mr. J2 still has tons of things in his basement – a 20-year relationship’s worth of memories and treasures. It’s the last real division of assets required before he can truly move on. The big financial stuff has been done, this is just childhood toys and memorabilia, tools, a snowblower, old photo albums and clothing.

The Ex has been asking to set a time up to come to the house to go through the items with him, to make that final division. While Mr. J2 hasn’t been dragging his feet, finding a workable time for him hasn’t been easy.

Finally they agreed that this Sunday would be a good time. The kids would be with The Ex, so they would be at her house – having them at Dad’s house while they go through stuff just wouldn’t be appropriate, nor productive.

In her text to him, The Ex had to lay it on thick: “Can you let me know some times that we can go over the house, I’d also like to say goodbye to it too. I know you have a female touch now, and I imagine it will all be changed soon but I’d like to see it before that”

Pardon me? What the fuck do you mean ‘say goodbye”?

I’m sorry but you had your chance to say goodbye WHEN YOU MOVED OUT AND BROKE UP YOUR FAMILY.

You had your chance to say goodbye when you took all the good furniture so that your house looks like a model home while the matrimonial one looks like a student frat house.

And what is this dig about his having a ‘female touch’?  Did you conveniently mention that ‘male touch’ that helped you hang all your photos, arrange your furniture, put together your hutches, and hung curtain rods for you?

Hmmmm… nope. Forgot to mention that.

I’m impressed that Mr. J2 tells me about these little comments. He doesn’t hide them from me. But when he told me this, I wasn’t too pleased, and I told him what I thought. That she was continuing to play him. She wants him to know that while she got what she wanted, she’s still “sad” about it. So that perhaps Mr. J2 won’t think she’s a bad person.

See… she’s sad because it was such a hard decision for her. (Well it was easier to make after she picked up a little something-something on the side. Then I bet the decision was MUCH easier to make.)

This behavior makes me so angry. Not jealous, angry. Mr. J2 is very emotional, and right now he is going through the process of changing his will (removing her as beneficiary, etc.), and finalizing the change of the house. Meaning it’s no longer jointly owned by them, but will be his sole property, so new mortgage, etc. I know it’s been rough for him because he’s lived there for 15 years; by this time he should almost be mortgage-free, not taking out a brand-new 30-year one on the same house.

He’s told me all along that she is selfish, and every now and again I see it. In the little things she says to him, I see it. Texting to him and saying, ‘sometimes I miss you like crazy”.

Yeah. How does one reply to that? It’s meant to illicit a specific response of, ‘sometimes I miss you too” but I really, really hope that Mr. J2 doesn’t respond that way. I hope he just ignores it.

But I haven’t asked him about it yet.

We have to have a talk this weekend. On Sunday, after The Ex comes by (and I return to the house after my two-hour exile), I want to get him a little drunk and talk with him seriously about us. I want to know if he is really ready for this… if he is really ready for a relationship with me. I want to know if her mind-games are fucking with him. I know that time will heal everything, and I know he loves me. Well, he tell me he does. He says the right things all the time, like, “I am so glad I met you”. He’s told me that I’m not a replacement, and while I don’t really feel that way, I can’t help feeling that way just a little. But those are my issues. He has never once made me feel like a replacement for anyone.

I just worry that even though we are talking about moving in together in October, that it might be too soon for him.

But in the meantime I will be supportive as I always am. I will be the Amazing person he tells me I am. I will plan food for our week together (we basically live together the week he doesn’t have the kids) and I will also prepare a few little bedroom surprises, to remind him just now awesome I can be.

Because I am worth it. He is worth it. I just hope that someone stops playing games and lets us get on with our life together.

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