Hello followers! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season!
It’s been a busy but incredibly wonderful couple of weeks since my last post.
Well, since my last post of 2015 I should say. I had started this post several times but really couldn’t figure out what I wanted to say, until the issue with Mr. J2’s ex came up and I had to post my rant to her… which ended up as my first 2016 post.
I hope so far, 2016 has been kind to you all. That’s all I want for this year; kindness, love and happiness. No more petty jealousy. No more passive-aggressive friends. No more friends posting ambivalent Facebook statuses. Let’s be positive in 2016. Instead of posting all the stuff that annoys us – which is meant solely to evoke sympathy – how about we post only the positive things in our lives? No, not all that ‘I am grateful’ crap, but instead, how about we focus on the small, happy things that happen to us during the day? “Scored a wicked parking spot this morning!”. “Got cheap gas before work, wahoo!”. “Bought a fabulous new dress marked down 75%!”
That’s my vow for this year. To focus on how much good there is in life – even if sometimes you have to work to find it. That’s not the case with Mr. J2 – he is the most amazing man I’ve ever met. He is genuinely happy to see me. He is in love with me. And I have to work hard to realize that he wants me for me – not for what I can do for him, but just for me.
Case in point, two nights ago we met for a quick dinner, and I dropped him at his car to drive home. While it warmed up, we sat in my car making out for a few minutes. Halfway through he broke the kiss to laugh and say, “I fucking love you”.
(Not to be confused with ‘I love fucking kissing you’ which is another of our little sayings.)
He is a wonderful man, a wonderful father. Over the holidays I met his twin brother, his wife and their three kids; I met his father. I met friends of the family. And sure, it was awkward but you know what? It also wasn’t awkward. We saw each other each day (even if for a short while) from December 23rd to January 1. I spent the most amazing New Year’s Eve with him – the best of my life. It was full of love, romance, amazing sex (I came so hard that I gushed all over the bed, second time with him but definitely the most I’ve ever gushed to the point of changing all the bedding), good food, great drink and the best midnight kiss ever.
I’m going to try to stay focused on that and not let the uncertainties and worry creep in. He jokes about marriage and even though he knows my bad history of three divorces, why would he want to take that on? He knows about my bad credit history thanks to ex husband number three. He knows I am not a good risk… but he jokes it’s a risk he is willing to take. We joke about moving in together, and I think that might happen sometime later this year… But a few things have to happen first, and one of them is that I want him to be officially divorced. It might just be a piece of paper but I don’t want to be that person; I’m not making demands on him, but if he wants to build a life with me then the doors of his past life need to be closed and locked. He joked on New Year’s Eve that according to the paperwork he’s been separated for a year on December 31, so he could file for divorce at any time. Will he? I don’t know. He tells me he won’t go back to her. He tells me that he is happy she left him because he then met me, and he’s happier with me than he has been in years. But he’s also a man who never thought he would be divorced; when he married all those years ago, it was for life. Richer. Poorer. Sickness. Health. He takes commitment seriously, and moving in together – especially when he has two teenagers – is a big commitment.
So I will try to rein myself in and stop thinking ten steps ahead. To just focus on the good in the here and now.
Because the here and now is where I live and breathe, one day at a time.