You Don’t Get to be Sad

I started to write a Happy 2016 post but I just need to get something off my chest. I will fill you in on all the wonderful things that happened over the holidays, but I need to say this first.

To the ex-Mrs. J2:

You do not get to be sad that your ex-husband has met someone so wonderful that he wants to introduce her to your kids. You had him for almost 20 years; in that time you never appreciated the wonderfully loving and romantic person that he is. Instead, you tried to change him, or make him feel bad for being so loving and romantic. You made him choose between his out-of-town family and you. You destroyed your family and ended a 20-year relationship because you didn’t want to ‘live with’ anyone, and you ‘wanted something new in your life’. You hooked up with a guy you knew before you met your husband while you were still living in the house with him, and even if you say nothing happened between the two of you, he was still the focus of your attention instead of your husband. You introduced him to your kids in August, although clarifying that he’s ‘just a friend’ all the time is fooling no one. Why else would you spend most nights with your kids at his place when you have them? So given all that, all I want to say is Fuck You. You had him for 20 years and threw him away. You didn’t see what a smart, handsome, sexy, funny, amazing man (and father) he is. You selfishly took him for granted. You broke his heart. For six months you pushed him away but also wanted to keep him close by dropping little nuggets, such as telling him you ‘didn’t want to sign the separation agreement”. You wanted new and exciting and to be on your own… but you also wanted to keep your ex close by, wanting him to be pining for you and die miserable and alone. And you know what? He was pining for you. Until he met me. And he loves me. And he wants me to meet his children – your children. And in the next year, we will probably be moving in together. And no – you do not have the right to tell your ex husband that you are ‘glad for him but a little sad too’. You don’t get to be sad. You don’t get to be ‘struggling’ with the fact that the man you tossed away is happy again – and not with you. You lost that right the minute you ended your marriage. Because I love him. And appreciate him. And I see how wonderful and funny and amazing he is. And you know what? That’s your loss. You will never find anyone who will love you the way you want to be loved, because you don’t love yourself. You are a selfish, selfish person, as indicated by the fact you told your ex that you were sad he had met someone important enough to introduce to your kids. Instead of being happy he’s moving on, you choose to burden him with your issues – and let’s be clear, they are YOUR issues. So I am not sorry you are having a difficult time with this fact. You wanted this. You wanted out of a marriage. You got what you wanted, and if it getting what you wanted, no matter the cost doesn’t make you happy? Then I feel sorry for you.

That is all.


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