Exhausted… but alive.
I slept maybe a couple of hours in total last night.
IF I slept at all.
So my ass is dragging today… but I am not complaining.
It was a great night with Mr. J2.
Throughout the day yesterday, he sent me sweet little emails or text messages. He works driving a city bus so he doesn’t sit at a computer all day like I do, so the fact that he will take a few minutes during his short breaks to send me a quick email or a text means a lot to me.
Some samples from yesterday’s emails:
1st one: Not much time but 🙂
2nd one: Just ate and I’m going to try to get my beauty rest. Lol. Have a great afternoon. (He works a split with 4 hours between so he goes home to nap if he can)
3rd one: Can you feel the anticipation? I’m a little nervous but good nervous. 🙂
That was the last email. He usually sends me text messages during his break around 4:30. He sent one yesterday but I was trying to nap. Along the same lines as the 3rd email.
I texted him when I left home to ask if I was forgetting anything. I was bringing marinated chicken (he was cooking it), some cocktails for myself, and CoolWhip for dessert (he took care of potatoes, salad and dessert).
His response: Just you.
All together now….. awwwwwwww.
I was incredibly nervous when I arrived at his place. I could barely look him in the eye.
My mind was racing and I was talking a mile a minute. Like a honeybee, I zipped from spot to spot, never staying in the same place for too long. At the sink… on the sofa…. at the window looking out…
I drank too much.
I talked too much.
I was embarrassed too much.
But it all worked out. We had a great dinner at the dining room table. We cleaned the dishes together – he washed, I dried. We talked after dinner while sitting on the couch. About anything and everything.
And we laughed.
Soon the night was getting away from us. Before we knew it, it was after ten – and we are both early to bed people.
We talked about past relationships, past dating experiences and horror stories. (His best one is dating a woman three times, two coffee and one drink date and on the third she told him she loved him. He said to me, ‘what do I say to that?’ (Um… thanks?)
Time was ticking down…. if we were going to do this, we had to get a move on.
I was sitting next to him on the couch, facing him. He had my legs on his lap, rubbing my legs from my knees to my hips.
He hadn’t even kissed me yet. Of course I was nervous.
So he basically pulled me into his lap and then leaned over and kissed me.
Such soft lips. Hesitant tongue. Not sucking the life out of my tongue like Mr. K, but it was good. Sometimes I like a little more tonsil hockey, but it was really nice.
We did some heavy making out on the couch, and when we came up for air I suggested moving things upstairs. It was time. We had talked about it long enough, time for the talk to become reality.
I came out of the washroom (I drank a lot so I peed a lot) to find him waiting for me on the stairs leading up. He put his hand out to take mine.
I’m sorry, I have to say it yet again – he does these really sweet, simple gestures all the time. For some of you out there, I am sure this elicits an eye roll, but I find them charming.
We arrive at his bedroom with his king size bed. He asked me what side I normally sleep on. He also makes sure to tell me that this is a new mattress; in splitting up the house his ex bought a new bed for her place and they had to outfit rooms for the kids so he decided to get a new mattress all at the same time.
I chose my side and sat down. I asked for less light and more music.
He sat next to me and started kissing me again.
We continued making out. Clothing came off.
We laughed and giggled and talked the whole time.
Then he removed my panties. And touched me, very hesitantly.
Now we had talked about how I am not shy to make known what I want. So while he was being all gentle and timid I just wanted to shove his hand inside me.
So, I moved his hand down and did just that.
And he got the hint pretty quickly. And did a damn fine job of bringing me to O #1.
We made out some more, then he got up to get the condom.
Next time I will just tell him to throw it on the bed to have it handy.
As he was putting it on, he told me that he has problems achieving orgasm while wearing a condom.
And I didn’t tell him this, but this was not the first time a guy told me he’d had issues coming while wearing a condom. Mr. J2 was still quite able to perform, just not to finish.
I asked him what he wanted. What would please him.
And he couldn’t really answer me. He said, “up til now it’s been pretty vanilla.”
I got it. He married young, to his college sweetheart. He was with her for about 20 years all together. They’ve been separated for 18 months or so. He was clear on our first date that he had his ‘rebound girl, a friend’.
But I also see him as this genuinely nice guy. He’s not really into the dirty talk – I think he really enjoyed the teasing and talking we were doing throughout. The only thing he asked for was for me to get on top.
Like I said: vanilla.
While on top, I experimented a little by biting his earlobe, then his bottom lip as we were kissing, and he said, with a silly grin, “I really love kissing you”.
We kissed for a bit longer, then I looked down at him and said, “is this where I say I love you?”
He burst out laughing, knowing exactly that I was teasing him from what he told me while we were downstairs. That’s how we were together.
You know the scenes in Friends With Benefits where Jaime and Dylan are talking and goofing off all while having sex?
Yeah. That was us.
Was it hot?
Was it fun?
I worked my magic while on top but sadly, no O for Mr. J2.
He got up to pee and removed the condom. He didn’t ask to try again without one, and I really respect him for that. I am willing to bet that I am the second (maybe third) woman he has slept with since his marriage ended, so the chances he has an STI are likely slim.
We rolled to face each other belly to belly to kiss a little more. And cuddle. We stroked each other’s backs for a while. Then I noticed his leg twitching a bit, so I asked if he wanted to move to a different position.
“No, I’m okay’, he said, “it happens from time to time, sitting in my seat on the bus all day, my back gets wonky.”
Then I said the magic words, “Do you want a back massage?”
He was so shocked for a moment he was speechless, but then said yes. So I gave him one. A good 20-minute massage.
And I am damn good at massages.
Here’s the thing: he was incredibly grateful. I think he was just as surprised by my offer as when I offered to pay for dinner on our first date. I have a feeling that throughout his marriage he kind of blended into the background and was taken advantage of. He was out of work off and on (technology sector, need I say more) and so he pretty much raised his kids for the last nine years, mostly on his own between jobs while his wife worked. I feel that he may have felt emasculated, and has been so used to just going along with what others want that he has a really difficult time asking for or saying what he wants.
And he isn’t used to someone wanting to do something for him.
After his massage we cuddled a bit more, then we tried to sleep, but neither of us got much rest. In my case, he has a foam mattress which locks in the heat and makes me so warm. In his case, I think just having someone else in the bed was throwing him off.
At two, when I rolled over and he rubbed my arm, I apologized for keeping him awake and offered to go home if it would help him sleep.
He said he wanted me to stay, if I wanted to stay.
So I stayed.
We slept. (A little)
His alarm went off at 4:50 AM. He got up to go into the shower and told me that I could stay in bed but that he had to leave by 5:30.
I was getting dressed just as he opened the bathroom door. The bedroom was dark, the only light from the bathroom. I was sitting on the edge of the bed with my panties on, facing away from him, looking on the floor for my bra.
From behind me I hear, “that silhouette of yours will be in my head all day long.”
We finish getting ready. We meet on the downstairs landing, and sit on the step while our cars warm up.
He kisses me several times. He rubs my back (sadly through my coat).
I ask if he was going to be okay today, knowing he’s running low on sleep. I apologize again if my being in his bed kept him from sleeping.
He said, “it was the best night of not sleeping I’ve ever had.”
Seriously. Again, seriously.
One final kiss and we are out the door. I follow him in my car out of his neighbourhood then I turn off when I need to in order to go home. He waves, I wave as I pass him.
I received this email from him this morning: “i would like to thank you for your directions last night as it makes for a more enjoyable experience. 🙂 That is a weak point of mine but I’ll be working on it.”
Working on it with me, I wonder?
I like to hope so. While the sex itself was mediocre at best, the overall experience was better than my last few sessions. It somehow just seemed… right.
There’s been no talk of when we will get together next. I know his time is limited; he has two more free nights until his kids are back with him.
I’m pretty sure he’ll want to see me again. I want to see him again. But I have to keep myself in check to avoid falling into the same old routine of falling for someone too quickly, only to have my heart broken when it doesn’t work out.
What do I want? I want him to say he likes me, and that even though he has limited free time, on the weeks when he doesn’t have his kids, he would like to see me when he can.
Me, and only me.
I know that during the time he has his kids we will still email and chat.
And I can live with that.
I haven’t spoken with Mr. J since the night I ran into him last week when I was on a date with Mr. RJ and also saw Mr. J2; he hasn’t texted, I haven’t texted. Mr. RJ was sent packing. Mr. K had asked to get together this week but I knew I wanted to give priority to Mr. J2 so we haven’t been able to connect.
Nor am I inclined to, at this point.
There’s Mr. JO and Mr. R; both I have emailed and/or texted with, but both have stopped contacting me since the weekend. Perhaps they have moved on.
I don’t want to meet anyone else. I’d like to explore things with Mr. J2 and see where they go.
Because so far… I like where this is going.