So date #3 is set with Mr. J2.
He’s cooking me dinner on Wednesday night.
And we’ll be doing some cooking together later that evening.
While it has not been said in so many words, it’s been discussed. We are going to have sex that night.
And for the first time in a long time, the thought of having sex with someone new intimidates me and makes me nervous.
Let me rephrase that: the thought of having sex with HIM intimidates me and makes me nervous.
Since I started dating again in July, I’ve had sex with five different men. (Mr. M, Mr. R, Mr. J, Mr. D, Mr, K. Three men I dated during that time did not make it to so much as first base, let alone all the way to home plate. I’m not desperate, just picky.)
Some I only slept with once, some more than once. Only Mr. J2 has made it to three times; even Mr. D, (for whom I canceled a first date with Mr. J2) has only been in my bed twice. (He will never be in it again.)
And at no time was I nervous or intimidated by any of those men. I looked forward to it with anticipation, I dressed in my best lingerie for the occasions (although sometimes it didn’t matter; my best pieces went unnoticed in some cases), I did the proper grooming, wore the best outfits.
I was confident. Brazen, even.
But Mr. J2 and I haven’t even kissed yet. On Saturday night we hugged goodbye, and that was it.
So how do we go from a hug goodbye to discussing sex? Then, to actually having sex?
He’s not overly complimentary – he doesn’t call me sexy. Or hot.
He’s more subtle. Our talk on Sunday afternoon was a little racy, and towards the end he told me that he wanted to watch his son’s hockey game and ‘cool down a little’.
I told him, “I take that as a compliment.”
And he replied, “you should.”
So yes, the flirting is there. As is the zingy one-liners back and forth. He thinks I’m funny.
And dammit, I AM funny.
I am smart and witty and funny and sexy and generous and caring.
I like sex. I appreciate good sex. I am an enthusiastic and willing partner – with the right partner.
And he really might be the right partner… and that’s what scares me. It’s easy to flirt and have sex with someone new if you like them….
But for me, it’s different to flirt and have sex with someone I really like…. I feel more nervous, more pressure.
Because the stakes are higher. There is the possibility of my being hurt if I get too attached too quickly.
So I will go to dinner at his place tomorrow night. And I will wear my best lingerie. And I will do all the proper grooming. And I will dress to impress.
And I will have mind-blowing sex.
And it will NOT be awkward. It will be amazing.
And I will take it day by day. Mr. J2 is only kid-free for this week; starting Saturday he has his kids with him for the following week, so we won’t see each other.
So right now, I will take what I can get.
And trust me… I am gonna take.
As much as I can.