A No-Brainer

I took this weekend away with a girlfriend for some shopping at the outlets.

Come on… who doesn’t like to find a great deal?

I didn’t buy a lot on this trip. A new winter coat, a pair of shoes, a party dress.

Two sets of unmentionables that will rock a lucky guy’s world.

My friend was anxious to hear about the men and the dates I’ve been going on as she has been with the same man for almost 20 years now. Married for about 15, and has two kids. She never really did the dating thing, she saw a few people then met the man she would end up marrying. So of course my friend wanted to hear all the details about my recent dates.

I did not disappoint her.

The most amazing thing though, for me, was the number of text messages I received as I was driving to pick up my friend. Between 4:30 and 5:00 pm, my phone was literally blowing up – that had previously occurred only when turning my phone on after work and it then received all the Facebook messages that had come in while it was off.

But this? This was new.

Mr. J2 sent a sweet message wishing me a good weekend and safe drive. It was his weekend with his kids so I figured I wouldn’t hear from him all weekend. I didn’t until I texted him on Sunday evening after I returned home.

Mr. K. also had his children this weekend. He is a night owl, so his messages were later in the evening. A little more flirty, and a little more dirty, but only because we had sex last week so I feel they was appropriate.

Mr. RJ though… he was consistent all weekend, even though he also had his kids for the weekend. (What am I going to do if they all want dates next weekend when they are kid-free? Oy.) He was happily chatting the whole weekend, even when I had my friend respond to his message because I was driving. He was pleasant, and even though I had suggested that I was shopping for… intimate items, he never pushed or made an issue of wanting to know more. All he wanted was for me to confirm a time for our second date. (Tomorrow, Tuesday. Same place as last week.) This will be date two with Mr. RJ, make or break time. I am still on the fence about him. He’s very complimentary; in a few messages he gushed about how sweet I am, how nice I am. Once again, here I am, going out on a date with a man who is obviously interested, but not overly sexualizing me. Yet, his compliments and nice talk make me want to push him away. What is wrong with that? I think this is the only reason I am shying away from him.

We’ll see on Tuesday.

Then there is Mr. RG. We’ve been sending tons of messages through the dating system but only moved to actual email on Friday. He knows how to write well, responds to all the points I make in messages, and asks me good questions. He too could be a potential. Seriously. Time to hide the profiles because I cannot keep up!

In other events, Mr. R from Montreal is beginning to show his jealousy I think. He knows I am dating and we talk about it from time to time. Next week he was supposed to be in town for some training but that has since been cancelled. Last night we talked about him coming up anyway on Saturday night to spend the night with me and part of Sunday. I am not available during the day on Saturday as I will be visiting my mother but will be home by 6:30 – 7:00 at the latest.

For the first time he made it clear that he wanted us to sleep together. Usually we use the friendship veil; we just hang out as friends, and then if we happen to have sex, so be it. The last time he was in town, he was here for three days and we only had sex the last night he was here, but that was because at the time I was seeing Mr. M and I had ended things with him the day before Mr. R left town. I didn’t want to cheat on Mr. M so it was only after things ended that I slept with Mr. R.

Can you follow? It’s confusing, I know.

I agreed to see him this weekend, and to have him spend the night. Again, it was the first time he even hinted at wanting us to have sex. Seriously. Previously he’s always spoken about it casually, hinted at it but never actually said the words. This time, he did.

As far as I know, he is not single. Or is he?

I am so confused.

Last night, as I lay in bed going over everything in my head, I had 80% decided to cancel plans with Mr. R for Saturday and Sunday. I like him. I like having sex with him – we have an incredibly sexual connection. We have an incredible friendship connection.

But he just isn’t available to me for anything more than that. And each time we see each other… a little piece of my heart breaks off when he leaves. I can’t let myself become attached to him again as I did during the summer. I can’t allow myself to have feelings for him that aren’t reciprocated.

I cannot be his mistress.

If he is coming to town for work, and we have dinner and catch up – that is one thing.

But this time he is coming up just to see me. And that changes the game.

Should I meet him and give up my weekend to have incredible sex with a man who isn’t emotionally available to me, or cancel plans and leave the weekend open to perhaps go out with someone who does potentially want (and is available for) a relationship?

He’s not even committing to the weekend; he’s working on his cottage and has told me that he will let me know by Thursday whether or not he will be able to come up.

I mean, if he really wanted to see me… wouldn’t he just say, “I will definitely be there on Saturday”?

If every other man can make definite plans… what can’t Mr R?

Time to rethink this situation for sure. I should spend my time with men who want to make plans with me and not leave things in the air until the last-minute.




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