Back To Life… Back To Reality

Well, I am back. Did anyone miss me?

I am back from my 11 day trip to Europe. It was a fantastic trip, and I am already thinking about my next adventure! The hotels were amazing, the food was delicious, the sights were incredible.

Now, back to life. Back to reality.

In reality, my life is good. I really can’t complain. I am back on the ‘fishing’ site, and I’ve been talking with a few men. Met one of them, went out twice so far. A couple of others are interesting, hopefully we’ll meet in the next week so I can see how it goes.

I am not rushing into anything. I can’t. That little piece of my heart that opened up with Mr. M has slammed back inside. I can’t afford to get too attached to one man, only to have it all end unexpectedly after a month… or two… or three.

I’m still scratching my head over why things ended with Mr. M. I won’t lie – some nights I lie in bed thinking about him as I fall asleep, wondering if he’s missing me, and realizing how well suited we were for each other.

Would I take him back if he asked? I am not sure.

It’s not likely to happen, so I am not going to think too much about it – that only leads to disappointment.

The curious thing about all of this is that now I am available, and Mr. R is still not. Even though he was really close to ending things when I was dating Mr. M. We’ve been talking (and flirting, and sexting) since February. That’s 8 months. And I was only dating someone for 2 months during that time. So for all the time we have known each other, he has done nothing to make himself available. So no matter how much we may click… it’s never going to happen. And although I slept with him again in September after Mr. M and I broke up (which I conveniently forgot to blog about), I am not putting myself in the position I was in June. I’m not putting my life on hold waiting for him to get off his ass and make a decision. I’m seeing other people. Dating other people. Sleeping with other people.

Maybe, one day, falling in love with one someone.

Love is the one thing that scares me the most. I was halfway there with Mr. R until I realized he was never going to be with me. Like Carrie Fisher’s character Marie in ‘When Harry Met Sally’ – she realized that as his mistress, her lover was never going to leave his wife.

“Marie… NO one thinks he is ever going to leave his wife”

“You’re right… you’re right…. I know you’re right.”

So I move on. If I happen to see Mr. R in town in a few weeks when my roommate is away… so be it.

But I will be – no, I AM being – more careful with my heart this time. I’m not attaching myself to one guy.

So we’ll see how this new reality goes.

But I leave you with this gorgeous photo. Here’s to new adventures in dating!

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