I just did something I am not proud of, but got very confusing results.
Let’s back up, shall we?
The week, as always, ended with me having limited conversations with Mr. R.
‘Visitors’ at his cottage, I assume.
After posting on Friday I decided I had to do something. So I created a profile and decided to go ‘fishing’.
I hear there’s ‘plenty’, you know.
Well sure enough, I got a few bites.
Definitely threw a few back, but did hook one that seems kind of interesting. We’ve been exchanging texts – very innocent ones – for most of the weekend.
In fact, we have talked a bit about how crazy the women seem to be on the site. Not sure if they are just desperate or exceptionally horny. Mr. M (as we will call him) told me that so far he received no less than two boob photos from strange women.
I guess that’s what women think they need to do to attract a man’s attention.
Thankfully, I know better. And would never, ever, EVER send a nudie, to anyone.
Including Mr. R. (Besides, my boobs, as exquisite as they are, look ever so much better with a lacy bra to support them.)
But I digress.
So Mr. M and I have chatted back and forth a little. Nothing super exciting. But it’s been pleasant – I’ve looked forward to his text messages and it’s kept my mind somewhat off Mr. R.
So. To this morning.
I decided that I need to get my mind off the situation. I just… am obsessed with Mr. R. I know – I can’t believe I have becomes one of those women. I wake up thinking about the situation… I fall asleep (usually after a bout of tears or two) thinking about him.
It’s been so long since I have felt this way about a man, and to know he doesn’t want to be with me…. it kills me. What can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants.
So to distract myself, and to get out of the heat, I took myself to see a movie this afternoon.
(Jurassic World. LOVED IT.)
As I was getting ready, my phone dinged.
A message from Mr. R had come in.
His usual, ‘good morning’ message.
This is how I know he is not alone; he normally sends me tons of messages, photos of the meals he cooks… everything. So his silence tells me he wasn’t alone.
We wished each other good morning and then he asked what I was up to for the day.
So I wrote, ‘heading out soon, just getting dressed.’
Now why, when someone says she is getting ready to head out, would you assume it’s a date? Especially at 11:30 on a Sunday morning?
So I followed his lead with his standard, ‘lol’.
Notice I did not confirm or deny.
He replied, ‘it’s ok’
So I texted back, ‘what’s ok?’
‘That you have a hot date’
(No shit Sherlock, considering you play house every weekend.)
So I replied, ‘I know it’s ok’.
And he wrote, ‘I encourage it’.
(So…. you encourage me? Okay then, we’re just friends. Got it.)
But then he added, ‘that’s why you know I’m worthy :)’
WTF? Worthy? Of what? Being my friend?
So I replied, ‘worthy?’
And he actually wrote, ‘good enough for you’.
Color me confused.
So, you are okay with me dating other men. Because you are worthy of me. But you won’t be with me?
I repeat: What. The. Fuck.
So then he wrote that it was time for breakfast, talk to you later, and a ton of xoxoxox.
Three messages of xoxox.
I texted the xoxox back, and to enjoy his day.
So…. I’m in the movie theater. I turn off my phone and immerse myself in the wonders of Jurassic World. ( LOVED IT. Did i mention that?)
After it’s over, I head to do a few groceries. Then I turn my phone back on.
And see a new message from Mr. R. Sent only 45 minutes after the last one, while I was in the theater.
‘Hope you have a wonderful day!!’ (Which is not to be confused with the last message he sent, which was ‘Have a wonderful day!)
So after a little time. I replied, ‘can’t complain!’
Three minutes later he texted me: ‘If you are not busy on Wednesday let me know”.
So. To recap, after he makes the assumption that I was heading out on a date (and we briefly discussed online dating on Friday), he suddenly wants to make a plan to see me.
Now, he’s not coming to my town. I didn’t expect him to invite me to his cottage as his parents have a cottage close by, and explaining my presence is not something he would want to do.
So we are meeting in a town halfway between; he can likely use the excuse that he is heading to town for supplies for the cottage. Not that he should really need to make excuses but, it is what it is.
He seems excited to have a plan to meet (providing I can take the day off.) I’m not ignoring the fact that it’s a mid-week and not on a weekend.
So as to not interfere with his visitor time, I assume.
I don’t know if he is jealous. His timing for suggesting we get together – even though we casually mentioned in before – is highly suspicious.
But at this point, he has no right to be jealous. He is playing house every weekend while I am devastated. So on Wednesday I have to tell him that we can’t be friends. I know I have said it previously, but it’s true. No matter how brutal, how painful. I just can’t do it anymore. If we can’t be together then I can’t be his friend. It’s too painful.
Let’s hope I don’t chicken out.
My heart can’t take it anymore.