Well now I have a much clearer picture of the situation between myself and Mr. R.
And to be honest? It sucks.
He is still ‘seeing someone’. He actually brought it up in detail on Saturday as he was waiting for her – and her nine-year-old son – to arrive at his cottage for the weekend.
Long story short – while he isn’t ‘unhappy’ with her, he knows that he has no future with her. He also admits that he could be happier.
But he admits to staying in situations long past their end, trying to fix them. He also says he is ‘no quitter’.
But he has also admitted to me that he senses something growing between us, as do I.
He was quite open about his situation – to a point. And even he admitted that he knows he needs to end it, regardless of any potential with me.
It could be that he is taking his time deciding, spending ‘friendship’ time with me, talking all the time on the phone (three hours on Friday night, even through his grocery run!) and texting and messaging all the time. What we cooked for dinner, any interesting scenery… the stupid inconsequential stuff that we talk about.
Our chatter is incessant. Other than the 12 hours of radio silence while he entertained his ‘friend’ (as I will call her) on Saturday, it’s the longest we’ve ever really been quiet.
He’s traveled to Vegas for work (and for play), up north twice, and even further north once.
I was in Florida and all that time… we chatted daily. From good morning! to good night! – we say it all, and then some.
Even in person.
He admitted to me that when we were walking together last week he wanted to hold my hand and put his arm around me.
He admitted to me that he is dying to kiss me to see if there is any chemistry there, but out of respect, he hasn’t.
He admitted to me that he wants to show me that men can be respectful.
He admitted to me that he hardly ever sees her. And that he is not with her because it’s habit because they are not even a habit. They rarely get together and when they do he says it’s for only 24 hours. And that he has not taken to the kid, and the kid has not taken to him.
He admitted to me that recently he has found himself judging her, which he never used to do.
He admitted to me that at one time they almost broke up. I did not ask why they didn’t because, it’s not my place.
He admitted to me that he knows he needs to end things. But also admitted that it would be hard on her if he did. (For what reasons I do not know – I did not ask and he did not elaborate.)
I did not say he should end things with her, even though his other friends have. I was supportive. I admitted to having been in the same situation myself many times and that ending something – no matter the situation – is never easy.
I told him there is also the fear of the unknown. Sure, he’s happy enough now but knows he could be happier. With me? I don’t know that. Life has no guarantees.
From where I am standing, he is stuck between something simple and familiar and ho-hum, and something new and scary and exciting.
But with no guarantees. How many of us have stayed with the wrong person for too long because it’s easier? Or familiar?
There’s a quote I love from the John Hughes movie, Some Kind of Wonderful. Sums everything up entirely:
I’d rather be with someone for the wrong reasons than alone for the right
I admitted to him that I was in my most recent relationship for six months longer than I should have been. I should have ended things in October but chickened out until February.
Time wasted? I don’t know. I barely saw him during that time so I am not sure that counts as quality time.
The distance might be scaring him too, but he also admitted he is becoming more independent and isn’t sure if that is because of his current situation or not – he admitted he can’t see himself moving in with her but I know with a previous relationship it took years for that to happen.
All I can do is sit back and let nature take its course. Of COURSE I want to yell at him “you’re an idiot!!!” but I won’t.
I will be the supportive friend that I would want in this situation.
On the outside.
But on the inside?
I am screaming “you’re an idiot!!!!”