The Fly in the Ointment

So.

That was fun.

On Saturday, I met Mr. R for our first official “meet”.

We can’t call it a date, because it was two friends getting together in a very large public place (a huge outlet mall near his home and on my travels), to walk, talk and eventually have a bite to eat.

And it went really well.

It’s funny – in retrospect, I had forgotten just how selfish my recent ex was. Mr. R actually asked me about my work, what a typical day is like for me, and we discussed a business opportunity he has that he is unsure whether to accept.

It was an intelligent conversation.

A rarity for me these days.

The next day he flew up north to do some training. We’ve communicated by message a lot in the two days he’s been there. He’s sent me photos he’s taken of the scenery, and I provide critical feedback. In short, they are all pretty awesome photos.

We got a little racy on Monday evening. Discussing things that friends maybe should not discuss online.

it got a little hot and heavy, I’m not going to lie.

It’s been so long since I’ve been intimate with someone, it was easy to imagine myself with him.

If not for the one small fly in the ointment.

He’s not fully available.

He told me a few weeks ago that he was seeing someone casually. He did fully disclose that.

But he also mentioned that he had to sort that out before anything going further. Not necessarily with me; we were speaking in general.

But Monday night was, shall I dare say, hot.

And he reminded me again that he is still ‘seeing’ someone.

Even though he’s told me he’s not happy. And that his friends had suggested a year ago that he end things with her.

(Sorry but if even your friends see that something is wrong, you should examine things a little more closely).

He’s talked a little about the way things are between them, and I, in my limited knowledge, can see that they are not well suited.

But the fact that I could be the ‘other woman’ renders my opinion useless.

It’s scary, ending a relationship – no matter how casual, or no matter how unhappy you are in it… making the decision to end it is not an easy one. It’s difficult, and I speak from experience, to go from being unhappy in something familiar to something scary and uncertain.

I know I should have ended things with my ex a very long time before I did. But I wanted to keep his friendship. And his family.

It was a mistake, I know now, to stay with him as long as I did. Once we returned from our trip down south in Jan 2014 was when I should have ended things. It was after I learned that he preferred to spend New Year’s Eve in a bar with his buddy (instead of with his “girlfriend”), and after he told his mom, ‘no thanks, I’m okay” when she offered to take a photo of us together on the beach in the Caribbean.

But I hung in there for a year. The same reason Mr. R is, because no matter how bad things are you always rationalize that it can be fixed; that it can get better.

So I will be his friend. I will listen if he wants to talk. I will offer advice if asked. But I will not be the means to his end – if that makes sense.

And we will see what happens when I see him on Saturday. That’s all I can really do.

Having been on the other end many, many times before, I will not be the ‘other woman’.

I’ll just wait and hope for the best. For everyone – whatever the best may be.

 

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