Fun in the Sun?

Well summer looks like it’s finally here in the Great White Way. The temperatures this week have been the same as if it was the middle of July, instead of the beginning of May.

And I’m Lovin’ It.

I’ve also been chatting a lot with Mr. R. We met eight years ago at a mutual friend’s wedding and recently reconnected through those friends. He’s single, I’m single… so we’ve been chatting.

Good chats. About everything and nothing. You know that feeling when you first meet someone and all your stories are new and all their stories are new?

Yeah, that.

We live about two hours apart from each other, but he comes to my city to teach every so often, and I literally drive within 3 minutes of his house when I drive home to visit my mother.

And two hours by car is nothing.

So… we’ll see. I am going to visit my mother for Mother’s Day this weekend and am hoping that I can meet Mr. R for a quick drink on my drive home.

Just to break the ice.

Because the following weekend, I am heading to Florida with my brother for a week.

I know. I can’t believe it myself. And I will be flying out of Mr. R’s city and flying home into mine.

What can I say? I’m cheap, and even with the overnight hotel, it was still cheaper than return flight from my town.

So we have plans to see each other next weekend as well, Mr. R and I. And it would be good if we met before that on a more casual basis, just to break the ice.

I’m not thinking anything further than that. I haven’t even suggested we meet tomorrow yet. I’ve been playing it very causally, which is totally not like me.

But the following weekend is a whole other story.

The other big news in this post is that I am going to Florida with my brother.

That alone is a feat. I haven’t traveled with him since we were kids on family trips, so… about 35 years.

I’m really hesitant about it, but I am trying to put all my feelings aside and just take it for what it is – a week in the sun in Florida, by the beach. No theme parks, no organized activities… just relaxing.

Of course I may want to kill him after the first ten minutes in the car with him, but I am going to be optimistic. I realized that I need to let things go if I can, and to stop holding grudges. I hold my family at arm’s length, and that’s not going to get me anywhere so this is a first step in doing that.

I noticed lately that I am closing myself off to emotions, either family or romantic. I’ve become colder than I was, and I don’t like knowing that about myself.

I’m scared to get involved with someone new and have it fall apart again, as it always does. To invest in someone emotionally only to get my heart stomped on. So I hold back. And that makes me seem cold and unfeeling.

But I do feel.

A lot.

And that is what gets me into trouble, and I’m just not sure I can go through it all again.

So in the meantime I will concentrate on Florida and imagine myself sitting on the white-sand beach, a cool drink at my side, and the ocean breeze caressing my skin.

Fun in the sun.

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