Spring finally seems like it’s going to stick around in my neck of the woods, and all I can say is that it’s about frigging time!
This winter was horrible. Too cold for too long. Three months of ice and snow and arctic temperatures.
But the birds are now singing.
The snow is melting.
The sun is shining.
And I am trying to keep myself from going back into the dark place.
There are times when I feel the veil of depression coming down over my eyes. Covering the light.
Sometimes I fight it, but sometimes, I admit… I let the veil come down.
I’m not proud of it. But it happens.
I find myself not wanting to see anyone or do anything. I can barely get up and get to work some days.
But it passes. It always does. Usually, I can force myself out of it with plans of some sort.
But lately, my life has been so quiet that there have been no plans. I don’t see anyone or do anything. Mostly that is my fault. I am the one who pushes people away.
I’m lonely. I try to get together with others, but it never works out. They have other plans, other things going on in their lives that don’t concern me. I am not a priority to them, and I know that – and there is nothing wrong with that.
Except when it comes to spending too much time alone.
So now that the weather has changed, I am forcing myself to go out; to walk in the sunshine, to sit on the deck, to drive with the windows down.
I need to push the darkness back and let in the light.